


Toska

by o_n_off



Series: *epic guitar solo* onf aus [1]
Category: ONF (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2019-09-02 06:59:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 36,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16781947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/o_n_off/pseuds/o_n_off
Summary: (n.) A dull ache of the soul; a sick pining; a sick anguish. A state of great distress, melancholy, longing beyond bearable bounds.AlternativelyONF are wizards, and it's not easy.





	1. LIBEROSIS

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this is filled to the brim with Heavy Stuff. So if you're not okay with that or it might upset you, please proceed with caution!! I want you all to be soothed happy beans.
> 
> Disclaimer: none of my characterisations are accurate in the slightest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [n] the desire to care less about things
> 
> or
> 
> We meet Mizuguchi Yuto, a young necromancer with a lot on his plate.

It wasn't a dark and stormy night. In fact, it was the complete opposite; a bright and sunny day. The sunlight filtered through the trees and patches of glow danced across Yuto's back as he ducked and dived through the brush. 

"Kai, come back here! You're late for your check-up with Jaeyoung and you know how grumpy he gets when you put him behind schedule!" Yuto called tiredly as he continued to run. With a twirl, he narrowly avoided clipping his shoulder on a branch, eyes still fixated on the scaly brown tail that quickly dashed out of sight. In his focus, Yuto failed to dodge another branch, instead, his face collided with a bundle of leaves and twigs.

Pulling a leaf from his mouth with a disgusted grimace, Yuto swore he could hear the dragon laughing at him. Oh, it's on. 

The forest was deep and eventually, it all started to look the same. That tree looked identical to the one he had passed earlier, five minutes ago, an hour ago, time was lost to nature.

Yuto could remember when he got lost in the forest's depths during his first week, to the point where he had still been wandering by nightfall. At that point though, he was met with bright yellow eyes and a happy chitter from a small dragon who guided him back to the main area of the sanctuary and right into Jinyoung's worried embrace.

But this was no longer his first week, nor was it his first time chasing Kai through these very same bushes, Yuto was far too familiar with the forest by now to wind up wandering aimlessly.

Catching sight of piercing yellow eyes amidst the foliage, Yuto yet again locked onto his target; a little dragon, no bigger than a housecat, with stark white bandages around one wing that were rapidly being covered in dirt.

If Yuto had learnt anything about capturing runaway dragons, it's to lie. Dragons were needlessly stubborn creatures hellbent on making the lives of wizards way more complicated than necessary, and trying to keep them under control took a lot of patience and skill.

"Oh dear, how will I ever find him before the appointment starts?" Yuto called out, "That pesky dragon could be anywhere," he twirled in an exaggerated display, kicking pitifully at a nearby log. 

The delighted chittering of Kai swept the air, pulling the corner of Yuto's lips up into a smirk. It always worked. 

With a deep sigh, Yuto ran a hand through his pale hair, eyes scanning for his mischevious scaly companion once more. 

At the sight of a white bandage darting across his path, Yuto broke out into a sprint, silently thanking whatever deity was listening for the fact that he wore his sneakers to work today because of an incident with an acid-spitting dragon yesterday. It's really hard to get dissolved material out of your boots once your toes begin to feel the wind. 

It was only a few more leaps over branches and bushes until he seized the little rascal, quickly pulling the dragon to his chest before he realised that he was tumbling down a hill. Arms still wrapped around Kai, Yuto braced the fall with as much dignity as he could muster before hitting the flat ground with a relieved exhale. There was only a minor aching in all of his limbs and an annoyingly chipper dragon climbing out of his arms and over his face to resume its escapade.

"Ahh, Yuto, you're right on time! If your appointment was thirty-seven minutes after it was scheduled to finish." Jaeyoung deadpanned over the edge of his mug with a tauntingly happy heart holding a doughnut printed on the front. Kai, the traitor, happily trotted up to Jaeyoung's feet and stretched out his uninjured wing in greeting. 

"This is a betrayal of the highest degree," Yuto huffed, he'd just spent over an hour hunting down the little troublemaker who was now kissing up to Jaeyoung's big, soft, marshmallow-man heart.

"Hi, buddy, how are you today? I haven't seen you since yesterday!" Jaeyoung cooed as he set down his mug and began scratching the top of Kai's head. "I'll squeeze him into my break for you. I know how much trouble he is and you'd wring my neck if I didn't ensure that his wing was healing right," Jaeyoung said, now directing his words at Yuto who offered a thumbs up in return.

🌙

Yuto was startled awake by Jaeyoung's deep voice. He'd maybe dozed off in the clinic waiting room with his back bent uncomfortably over the arm of the chair as his torso dangled almost upside down. Maybe. 

"He's okay, the wing is healing well, and at this rate, he might be able to fly again," Jaeyoung said with a warm smile. The statement eased the tension in Yuto's shoulders and elicited a sigh of relief from the younger. Jaeyoung was always so understanding of his worries when it came to his dragons.

"What about his general health?"

"He's fine, you dork. I'd tell you if there was anything of concern," Jaeyoung offered softly.

"Thank you."

"Anytime. It's my job, ya know," Jaeyoung chuckled. "Speaking of jobs, your shift ended well over an hour ago, and you clearly should be going home if you're that tired. I doubt those chairs make a more comfortable bed than an actual mattress."

"That's where you're wrong, kiddo," Yuto huffed as he stood up and sauntered over to Jaeyoung, "my mattress is old, and it feels like I'm sleeping on bricks."

Jaeyoung just rolled his eyes and plucked a flower from Yuto's tousled hair, "even then, you should probably go home and take a shower, you grub. You're still covered in dirt from that tumble you took earlier."

"It was super graceful, and you know it." 

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, pipsqueak."

Yuto shot Jaeyoung a playfully angry glare as he grabbed his bag and slid out of the clinic's waiting room and into the brisk night.

🌙

"Night" might've been an overstatement, in reality, the sun was barely setting, and the streets were still alive with activity when Yuto had changed out of his uniform and began to make his way home. 

Cars whizzed past as Yuto trotted along cheerily, the good news about Kai's healing had lifted his spirits significantly and put a spring in his step. If you asked him, he had the best job in the world. It didn't pay well, but his hours were reasonable, and he worked with lovely coworkers like Jaeyoung. Not a single day was dull when he cared for and helped so many creatures.

With the wind in his hair and soft light of the sunset in his eyes, Yuto wistfully wandered the familiar path home. The cafe that Changyoon worked at was still open, little sign hanging in the window blinking out at the world. 'IFTY FIFTY' it read, the first F having given up on functioning a few weeks ago. 

Upon entry, the bell hanging above the door chimed, and warmth engulfed Yuto. The cafe was always comfortably warm, Changyoon's secret ploy to make customers feel relaxed and come back frequently. 

"Hey, kiddo!" Changyoon's chipper voice called from the counter. The cafe was empty aside from Changyoon and Yuto, yet Changyoon's energy made it a lively atmosphere. The elder had his arms leant on the counter with his chin nestled atop his hands. 

"Hi, how's business going?" Yuto asked as he walked over to the counter and mirrored Changyoon's position. 

Poking his tongue out at Yuto, Changyoon moved away from the counter and to the coffee machine. "The usual?" He pondered gently, receiving a hum from Yuto in confirmation.

"Business is normal, there isn't a sudden influx of new customers, but more people are ordering iced drinks thanks to this heat wave. It's a pain in the ass to only get halfway through the afternoon and have to send some poor new kid out to get more ice. Making you a caramel macchiato is a  
blessing, I haven't had the chance to make a nice hot coffee in forever," Changyoon mused, eyes fixated on his task.

"You're welcome. But you have to admit; I'm always a blessing to have when I visit you after work." 

"No need to be cheeky, kiddo," Changyoon chided as he slid a steaming cup of sweet caffeinated goodness in front of Yuto, "but I do enjoy your company even if you're a brat sometimes."

Yuto grinned victoriously as he brought the styrofoam cup to his lips, taking care to blow gently on the beverage before taking a sip. "Ugh, Changyoon, you're a coffee god. Bless your talented hands and coffee-making skills."

"Are you just saying that to ensure more free coffee after today?" Changyoon inquired with a lifted brow.

"Not at all, your coffee is the best. No other cafes even come close to this quality," Yuto praised, taking another sip.

"You wouldn't know since you only ever order the same thing."

"Hey, don't judge me. I can't drink bitter coffee like you can, just accept the compliment," Yuto grumbled adding on a "jerk" under his breath. 

They stayed in comfortable silence for a while, until a customer entered and Changyoon abandoned Yuto to tend to their order.

After barely five minutes, Changyoon returned with a slice of cake for Yuto, "how was work?"

"It was good, Kai made us late for his appointment, but the vet said that his wing is healing properly and that he might even be able to fly again when it's all healed."

"Wow, that's good news. Tell the little rascal to behave himself tomorrow, and give him a hug from me why don't you?" 

With a mouthful of cake, Yuto cheerily hummed, "Will do. Anyway, how's Jinnie doing?"

Changyoon sucked in a breath, and the air suddenly grew heavy as he ran a hand through his inky black hair. "He's doing better, but I'm still worried, y'know? He stopped by after work and is still crashed on the couch in the break room. I'm just happy he's resting more than he used to."

"That's good. When he wakes up tell him that I hope he's doing well."

"You could hang around until he surfaces. I'm sure he'd love to meet you after he's had to listen to me talk about you for so long." 

"Maybe some other time? It's getting late, and Jinyoung will die from stress if I'm not home soon," Yuto reasoned before standing up and readjusting the bag on his back as he picked up his cup of coffee, "Thank you for your wonderful hospitality as always."

"See ya kiddo!" Changyoon called after Yuto as he pulled the half-eaten slice of cake over to his side of the counter and began finishing it off. It would be a shame to waste such good baking.

🌙

The sun had finally begun to dip below the horizon when Yuto finally left the cafe, coffee in hand.

After a few minutes of wandering, Yuto's attention was shifted from his thoughts to a car driving by, a squeaky puttering following it as it moved. Yuto cringed.

"That doesn't sound very healthy," he mused to himself, quietly apologising to a somewhat disgruntled looking old lady walking past as he moved out of her path with a gentle smile. That was the moment when something yanked him backwards and into a dark alleyway. 

The coffee cup fell from his grip as he was slammed into a wall by rough hands, hot contents spilling on his shoes and soaking into his socks. It was a rather unpleasant sensation that Yuto would've complained about the inconvenience of if there wasn't a strange, intimidating group of men dressed in black surrounding him.

"Hey pretty boy, I heard you're a necromancer," one of the goons, presumably the leader, purred. 

Yuto recoiled at the bitter scent of both alcohol and tobacco on the man's breath; it was so pungent that it made his head spin. 

"Why do you care?" Yuto spat with a lot more confidence than he was experiencing internally.

"Why do I care? Well, powers as rare and extreme as yours are valuable. You toy with life and death, and that would be very useful," he quipped, stepping closer and closer to Yuto, forcing the boy to back away until his shoulders hit the cold brick wall of the alleyway.

"W-well, that's too bad," Yuto stammered, confident demeanour faltering to terror, "I'm not a necromancer, so I'm not what you're looking for. I swear."

"Really? Because even if I couldn't read your mind, I'd still be pretty convinced that you're lying to me."

Crap. Telepathy. 

"Well, y'know, I'd love to stay and chat, but I really have to get home," Yuto said, trying to put any kind of strength in his voice to mask his fright as he attempted to slink away from his assailants and towards the bustling and lively street only steps away.

A strong hand clamped down on Yuto's shoulder heavily and tossed him across the alleyway. Yuto silently cursed his small stature as it seemed almost too natural for him to fly across the narrow space before his head collided with the wall with a resounding thud.

"Trying to run, are we?" someone sneered, Yuto had lost all sense of direction in the pain webbed throughout his skull.

"If you try anything again, there will be more trouble than a little shove."

Yuto chose not to heed the warning, instead choosing to lie motionless on the grimy concrete for a few moments. The pounding of his heartbeat filled his ears, and after countless thumps, he ran. 

His arms and legs shook, his head stung and his balance swayed as if he were at sea, but he still ran, chest pounding heavily with the effort.

But he didn't get far, as the warm glow of a streetlight hit his face and a slight sense of safety gripped his chest, he hit the ground again.

It stung. Oh god, it stung like the venom of a thousand snakes curled tightly around his chest as his blood was filtered out of his body and replaced with poison. With grit teeth and clenched hands, his groaning fell to a whimper like that of a wounded animal, begging for anything to make it stop. Where he was, he had forgotten in the midst of the burning sensation spread throughout his body, and the worried calls of someone sounded muffled as if he were underwater, a barrier between him and anything other than the pain of the bullet lodged in his ribcage.

🌙

Fingers gently carding through Yuto's hair were what caused him to stir, groaning and grumbling softly. Burying his face into the nearby blanket, he inhaled the familiar scent. He was at home, in his bed, all the bad things were just a dream, and he was safe.

"Hey bud, how're you feeling?" 

"'M okay, Jinyoung. Jus' tired," Yuto mumbled, further burying his head under the covers.

"Understandably so," Jinyoung hummed, "You did get shot a few hours ago." 

So it wasn't a dream. 

Yuto was awake now, rolling over until he was facing Jinyoung. The elder looked like he had been worrying himself to the bone, tousled hair and red-rimmed eyes stared back at him. Regardless of what he did, despite what could ever happen, he always had Jinyoung waiting for him at home; worrying only for his wellbeing. 

"I'm sorry," Yuto apologised quickly, reaching across the covers for Jinyoung's hand.

"What happened, bud? You promised me you weren't going to be reckless anymore," Jinyoung's tone was so miserably disappointed that Yuto's heart clenched.

"I'm so sorry. I know how much you worry about me, I was at Changyoon's cafe, and then I left, and then these guys cornered me and threatened me, I was so scared Jinyoung. I'm sorry for worrying you."

Jinyoung just cooed and ran his free hand through Yuto's hair, "It's okay. It's not your fault. When Changyoon called me, I'll admit, I was terrified, but we got you healed up in no-time. Did you know that Changyoon has been practising telekinetic spells? He's getting really good at them."

Wait, Changyoon? 

"Changyoon was there?" Yuto asked meekly.

Jinyoung offered Yuto a sympathetic smile. "Yeah, he heard the gunshot while he was closing the cafe and ran to see what happened. He was a bit shaken up to see you in a pool of blood, maybe you should pop in and visit him tomorrow. I think he'd like to be able to see for himself that you're okay. He was really spooked. White as a ghost."

Changyoon was already running himself ragged trying to maintain two jobs and take care of his roommate. Worrying about Yuto was the last thing he needed right now.

Why did it have to be Changyoon to see him like that? Yuto was a good boy, he'd never submitted an assignment late, he always showed up to work early and stayed late, so why was he always worrying the few people he had in his life? 

"Bud, I can hear the gears ticking in your head. Changyoon will be okay, he's just worried about you. You did nothing wrong. You just gave him quite the fright."

Falling back onto the mattress, Yuto let out a sigh, when did his life get so complicated? A month ago, he was living a normal life with a regular routine, now he had been shot, wasted a perfectly good cup of coffee, stressed the closest thing he had to a parent, and worried someone with more than enough on his plate already. On top of all of this, someone wanted him, and his powers for god-knows-what and was willing to kill for it. Really ironic since Yuto could control the lines between life and death.

"I know you probably want to get back to sleep before work tomorrow. But I'll just go make you a cup of tea, first," Jinyoung said before sliding out of the seat he had undoubtedly spent the past hours sat in.

Motionless, Yuto lay staring at the ceiling, the gears still ticking away in his head as he pondered a course of action about his current situation. 

Jinyoung returned after some time and set a mug of tea on the table next to Yuto's bed before leaning over to ruffle Yuto's hair. "Go to sleep, you dork."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu if you hate this!!  
> tumblr: o-n-off  
> instagram: o_n_off_


	2. ALAMORT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [adj] Half-dead of exhaustion
> 
> or
> 
> Changyoon works too hard, worries too much and needs a hug.

Early cafe shifts are probably the least exciting things ever. The sun is still rising, as are most people, which means business is slow. After a shift at the bar, Changyoon is thankful for the ambience of the cafe. The needlessly loud pounding of the bass is replaced by a silence that is only interrupted by the soft chirping of birds.

For the most part, Changyoon is alone. With only the baking staff in the kitchen for company, he is able to pull out a stool behind the counter and sit there in silence on his phone. 

**changyOWOn [6:03 am]**  
I hope you're asleep.  
Work is quiet as always :-(

 **Hyo-no [6:04 am]**  
sleep is for the weak and im not weak!! >:D but ill come keep u company if ur that bored

 **changyOWOn [6:07 am]**  
I can and will fight you if you don't sleep.

 **Hyo-no [6:07am]**  
ur no fun T^T bring home some fresh cookies, u know i like the strawberry ones

 **changyOWOn [6:09 am]**  
Will do. 

The bell above the door chimed, the sound resonating throughout the entire cafe and Changyoon hastily shoved his phone into the pocket of his apron. "Hi, can I take your order?" 

"Just a minute," the customer said, reaching to tighten her ponytail as her eyes trailed over the menu hanging above Changyoon's head. She was in exercise gear, obviously headed out to be a respectable member of society. Changyoon silently mourned a past when he had the time to work out, not that he did.

"A hazelnut latte and a chocolate muffin, please," the lady said, and Changyoon flashed her a routine smile, so practised that it almost felt real before turning to the coffee maker.

Customers during the dawn shift were either incredibly polite, moments away from a breakdown, or really angry. This lady was the first of those options, leaning against the counter while Changyoon made her coffee.

"How do you like being a barista?" She asked pleasantly, tracing shapes on the countertop with her index finger.

"It's quite nice. I love the smell of coffee, and it's not the most technical job in the world. I work a lot of nights as a bartender too so this is just a non-stressful way of making ends meet while my roommate is recovering," Changyoon mused as he finished up the woman's drink with a simple fern in the foam.

"Oh, what happened to your roommate?" she asked.

Changyoon put a lid on the coffee and handed it to the woman who seemed very grateful to get her caffeine before he turned to the cakes. "Car accident. Shattered his leg, so he has a hard time getting around and working long shifts. He's a florist though, wonderful at his craft if you ask me."

"That's not good. I hope he gets better soon."

"Thank you," Changyoon said as he handed the woman her muffin in a paper bag, "He's hated being cooped up for the past few weeks, and he's even started a flower garden at our place when he's not at work."

The lovely lady left after paying and in her place was exhausted and unbelievably irritated college students. One snapped at him when he apologised for the wait to get the coffee made with the hectics of a half hour frame before the earliest classes.

"Work faster, some of us have places to be," the kid growled before snatching the cup out of Changyoon's grasp. Screw 'stress-free', Changyoon was stressed. Students aren't the only ones who are tired, he was beyond exhausted but he still had to slap on a smile and that A+ customer service.

Silently, Changyoon cursed the fact that it was considered unprofessional to snap at the disrespectful customers.

"Changyoon!" A familiar voice called out enthusiastically. 

"Hey, kiddo, what brings you in so early?" Changyoon asked as he came face-to-face with a chipper Yuto leaning on the counter. 

"I have an early start, and I need caffeine," Yuto whined.

"Jinyoung wants me to pick you up after work and walk you home today, okay? He's very worried about you."

"I know, I know. I hate to trouble you."

"You're not troubling me. After yesterday, I couldn't focus at work all night. I was too busy worrying about you. Speaking of, how are you feeling?"

Yuto made finger guns at Changyoon before lifting his shirt to reveal smooth skin on his chest where the bullet wound would've been, "See? All healed!"

Snorting with laughter at the younger's antics, Changyoon reached over to a space behind the counter where his own coffee of the morning had been sitting. Handing the barely-drunk beverage to his friend, Changyoon made a shooing motion with his hand. "It's too dangerous to go alone, take this."

"Bless you," Yuto declared, taking the cup from Changyoon, "I'll pay you back another day!"

"You don't have to. Now begone my child you have work to do," Changyoon muttered as he ruffled Yuto's snowy hair with his free hand.

"Thank you!" Yuto said as he strode over to the door with purpose, turning only to wave before he left. 

☀

When Changyoon finally got home, he kicked off his shoes with a grateful sigh and set his bag down next to the door. 

"Hyojin? I'm home," Changyoon called into the silence of the house. Over the past weeks, Changyoon had developed a constant paranoia about the elder's well-being. He always made sure Hyojin was resting his leg, eating well and sleeping when his medication made him drowsy. 

Quietly, Changyoon crept down the hallway and gently nudged open the door to Hyojin's room. There were clothes and miscellaneous items strewn across the floor, Changyoon had tried to get Hyojin to clean up, but the elder just played the "I have a broken leg" card. Works every time. Hyojin was sitting up in his bed, leg propped up on a pillow and listening to music as he turned the pages of the novel in his lap.

"Hyo?" 

Hyojin heard him this time, jumping slightly and pulling his earphones out, "Hey."

"I've got your cookies," Changyoon said with a smile as he raised his hand and shook the paper bag of treats for Hyojin. It was their routine now; he'd bring home some gifts for Hyojin, usually more than the elder asked for. Not that Hyojin ever complained about an extra muffin or piece of cake.

"My best friend? Is an angel? More likely than you think," Hyojin declared, making grabby hands towards Changyoon who just chuckled and walked towards Hyojin's bed, handing off the baking as if it were a grand prize.

Upon sight of the bag's contents, Hyojin immediately began patting a space on the bed next to him, "Sit," he insisted.

Changyoon obliged and was handed half a cookie the second he had nestled down next to Hyojin. It was kind of cramped, but it was nice.

"You don't need to share; I got them for you. Eat them before you leave for work."

"Nope," Hyojin affirmed, "I'm making sure you have something to eat before you go to bed. You're too busy taking care of me these days to take care of yourself properly."

Changyoon took the half of a cookie from Hyojin who grinned at him when he did. It was nice to know that Hyojin was still looking out for him. 

"You'll be okay getting to work? I can walk you if you want. The wheelchair is still in the dining room if you need it."

"I'm fine," Hyojin grumbled, "You have to get to sleep soon. You don't get nearly enough sleep anyway, you shouldn't stay awake any longer than you have to."

Leaning his head on Hyojin's shoulder, Changyoon let out a breathy laugh, "We're a sight, aren't we? You're cast from toe to hip with bandages everywhere else, and I barely sleep for four hours a day."

"I wish you didn't have to work so much because of me," Hyojin whispered, running his hand along Changyoon's arm as the younger nestled against him.

"It's okay. Really, it is. I just want you to focus on getting better. I'll pick you up at four for your appointment at the hospital, okay? I can't stay with you today because Yuto needs someone to walk home with him after he got attacked."

"That's okay. I'm a big boy, I can face the doctors on my own," Hyojin said, "Tell Yuto I want him to be careful and look after himself."

"Mmhmm," Changyoon hummed as he further leant into Hyojin's side. After a few moments, he felt himself sinking gratefully into a dreamless sleep.

☀

As night falls, Changyoon is caged behind the bar, catering to everyone and anyone's orders for liquid happiness. Changyoon works with a wistful sense of remorse for the people he serves, they resort to a drug that makes everything so much easier as it courses through their systems but upon daybreak, their minds will be filled with molasses and a deep aching. 

The music of the club used to be unbearably loud and would grate on Changyoon's ears as he worked, but now, the steady thumping of bass that sent vibrations through the floorboards was its own comforting environment. The atmosphere of the club was almost the complete opposite of that of the cafe, loud music that never faltered, energetic dancing and a constant influx of customers.

"Your cheapest whiskey on the rocks, please," a deep voice sounded from the other end of the bar, and Changyoon sent the man a nod without sparing him a glance before getting to work. At this point, preparing drinks was second nature to him, a splash of this, a decent pouring of that, or even just a glass of whatever with ice. 

As he slid the drink across the bar, his gaze was hypnotised by the way that the colourful lights reflected off of the stranger's hair. It was a fading dark colour, indistinguishable under the neon lights, with long dark roots that indicated that it hadn't been touched up in a while. 

"Thank you," the man said, his voice almost lost to the surrounding noise of the club. He apparently wasn't used to communicating in the sea of noise.

"You're welcome," Changyoon yelled over the music, "It's kinda my job y'know. You don't have to thank me."

The man just smiled softly down at his drink, it wasn't a very nice whiskey, yet he seemed so pleased.

For many nights after that, the same man would return, sometimes only having a few drinks before disappearing, other times he'd drink until he couldn't stand straight and Changyoon offered to call someone to pick him up. He never accepted.

They kept up this routine for a few weeks, never sharing many words, but Changyoon couldn't help but remember the man. He was so used to customers who tried to make a move on him and got uselessly violent when he refused, often returning home with a black eye for Hyojin to fuss over. It was so rare for him to have such a peaceful and respectful customer so he stood out among the hundreds of faces Changyoon had to serve every night. 

Granted, this man wasn't perfect; sometimes his phone would start buzzing, he'd take one glance at the screen before dumping it into his drink. Obviously, he hadn't thought to invest in a phone that would actually stop going off when dunked in disgustingly cheap alcohol, because it continued. One morning, as Changyoon was cleaning up the bar around closing time, it went off in the glass, creating an ear-piercing noise as the glass rattled on the wooden countertop.

At the end of his tether, Changyoon seized the still rattling glass and sought out the customer who had left it there. Spotting the man sat down and leaning heavily against the wall, way past intoxicated, he surged past the remaining partygoers and dumped the glass' contents on the man, phone and all.

"Pick up your phone and then maybe it'll stop ringing," Changyoon snapped before turning on his heel with an empty glass in hand and returning to his job.

After such instances, the man would disappear for a few days before returning as his pleasantly quiet self, much to Changyoon's relief. His work was troublesome enough as it was, he didn't need more to deal with.

Tonight, after the man had disappeared, presumably to go home or wherever else, Changyoon was standing around cleaning glasses when he heard a smash accompanied by yelling that was strange in comparison to the club's usual energetic noise.

Concerned, Changyoon left his position behind the bar with a small wave to his co-worker whose name never really stuck. His co-workers never really hung around long, many of them unable to adjust to the late work hours and electing to find another job.

Changyoon didn't know what he had expected to find, but he knows it wasn't his most timid customer pinned against the wall by some dude twice his side holding a broken bottle while yelling obscenities. 

"Some magician you are, can't even protect yourself. This is why you scum shouldn't be allowed to live among the rest of us," the dude snarled before throwing his victim to the floor and spitting on him as he cowered, "Pathetic."

Frozen in shock, Changyoon stood there motionless for a moment, until the dude brought the broken glass down on the man's head where it shattered, covering the floor in glimmering crystalline danger.

"Get out of here before I call the police," Changyoon commanded, stepping forward and putting himself between the two men. Not even the way this man loomed over him would intimidate him. 

The dude just grabbed a nearby glass of some alcoholic concoction and dumped it over Changyoon's head before snarling at the bartender. 

"He's lucky his bitch came to rescue him before he got his ass kicked to hell where he belongs." Even when the dude stormed off, Changyoon could still feel the burn of the dude's alcohol-coated breath on his face.

Quickly, Changyoon whirled to see the man cowering on the floor behind him, not having shifted from his previous position. The dark shape of a moon was exposed to the light as it curled around the back of his neck; the reason the fight broke out in the first place. 

"Hey, sir, are you alright?" Changyoon was crouching amongst the shards of glass now, shaking the man's shoulder. When he was met with a groan, Changyoon released a breath that he didn't even know that he had been holding. 

"Piss off," the man grumbled, roughly shaking off Changyoon's touch. So polite.

"After getting into a fight that has made a downright mess of the bar, I'd like to see if you're okay," he huffed.

Eventually, the man relented and allowed Changyoon to help him up and guide him away from the chaos by the hand. Maybe Changyoon was a bit rough, but he sat the man down in one of the barstools before ducking behind the bar to get the first aid kit stashed in one of the drawers. 

"I can clean up the blood and put a band-aid on that nasty gash, but otherwise I think you should go to the hospital and get checked out," Changyoon said as he opened the kit and retrieved some cotton pads and alcohol to disinfect the wounds.

"No hospital," the man murmured, obviously now overcome with fatigue from the fleeting adrenaline, "Just home. I live with a doctor; it'll be okay."

Changyoon hummed in acknowledgement as he began wiping at the man's split lip, chuckling softly when he flinched.

"Sorry, I forgot to tell you that it'll sting. For someone who just got into a fight, you're a wimp." 

"I'm not a wimp. You're a wimp."

Again, he was met with Changyoon's soft laughter as the bartender continued tending to him. The shorter carefully dabbing at the gash on his cheek, pleased with the well-behaved subject under his hands. Changyoon was far too used to Hyojin who would squirm and whine as the younger tried to tend to scratches and other superficial injuries. 

"All done," Changyoon declared after securing an amateur dressing on the man's cheek, patting him on the shoulder.

"Thank you," the man mumbled before shooting Changyoon a soft smile, "I guess it's my queue to go home now."

"I'll walk you," Changyoon offered quickly, reaching for his jacket behind the counter. The man began to protest before being promptly cut off, "I'd feel better knowing that you got home okay."

Any protest that he had was brushed to the side as Changyoon called out to his coworker, "I'm gonna walk this guy home, but I'll be back to help you clean up!" 

Changyoon's co-worker waved in acknowledgement, and that was the end of that. 

Leaving a club with a strange man whose name he didn't know was probably a bad idea, which is why under any other circumstances, Changyoon wouldn't have even offered to walk a customer home. But he assumed there would be little harm done to walk a frequent and polite customer back after the other had just gotten into a fight that he most definitely did not win. 

This man of a much taller and more muscular stature than Changyoon could've easily overpowered the bartender and hurt him or have his way with him. But nothing happened, they just walked in silence, Changyoon's eyes constantly flitting over to his company to make sure the man was okay. 

After a few streets, the man turned to him. "This is me," he said before heading up a path to a front door. Changyoon lingered and watched as the man pulled a key out of his coat pocket and unlocked the door before sliding inside. 

When Changyoon confirmed that his customer got home safe, he prepared himself to walk back to the club under the moonlight. The twinkling stars in the sky were a beautiful sight as Changyoon was cooped up behind the bar most nights, never getting the opportunity to look outside and at the expanses of the universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really sure if I'm going to have a consistent update schedule for this fic but I'm going to try and post new chapters twice a week (tuesday and friday). I'm writing the 7th chapter right now so I hope at the rate I'm writing, I can keep up two a week but it might drop to one a week if I lose steam. 
> 
> Anywho, I hope you guys are enjoying the fic so far!! Let me know what you think, feedback is my life force.


	3. QUERENCIA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [n] A place where one feels safe, a place from which one's strength of character is drawn.
> 
> or
> 
> Basically a ton of Hyotion being soft + first appearances of Minseok and Seungjoon

Hyojin eased himself out of bed, mindful of Changyoon who slept like the dead. The dark circles under the younger's eyes seemed almost permanent as Hyojin forgot what his face looked like without them. Guilt gnawed at Hyojin's heart; he knew that he was the reason for Changyoon's constant exhaustion.

Grabbing the crutches propped up against the wall, Hyojin pushed himself to stand. He didn't lose his balance this time, only wobbling slightly as he adjusted the positioning. It was a pain in the ass to be unable to fend for himself without assistance, but he couldn't blame anyone but himself for the screeching of tyres, glass in his hair and Changyoon's panicked voice filtering from his phone.

If he'd not had his leg completely wrecked, he would've been back on his feet by now, able to work every day and take longer shifts. He would've been able to ease some of the tension from Changyoon's shoulders and enable the younger to get a healthy amount of sleep. But, Changyoon was too busy worrying about Hyojin and finances to take care of himself nowadays.

So, Hyojin leapt at the opportunity of going back to work after a month of being kept at home. If he'd spent another day lying on the couch watching dramas, he would've died of boredom. To spend all his time cooped up at home sleeping off his meds most of the time, unable to do even the slightest housework, Hyojin felt suffocated. Working was a welcomed breath of fresh air; he could get sunshine and even a little bit of exercise hobbling around the shop.

Lamely trying to push open the door with his crutches didn't work today. It never worked, but that didn't stop him from trying. One of the new workers, Dengbin, bless his soul, jumped up and opened the stubborn door for Hyojin to enter. 

"Hey, dude," Dengbin started, "how long are you here for today?"

Hyojin smiled at the boy before following him to the register, "I'm here until four, Changyoon is going to pick me up for my appointment at the hospital."

"I still think you should be at home resting, working with that leg can't be easy," Dengbin chided as he retrieved a stool from the back room for Hyojin.

Sending a pointed look at Dengbin, Hyojin plopped down in the chair, knowing fully well that if he stood much longer his hands wouldn't stop aching. 

"I told you, being cooped up at home was driving me up the wall. I prefer the atmosphere here, I love the flowers we sell, and I even love the customers. I haven't had enough human interaction since the accident."

"Fair enough," Dengbin hummed before turning to adjust a display of colourful ribbons. "Is Minseok stopping by today?"

"Yup. I even have cookies from Changyoon so he'll be even more inclined to stop by."

"Changyoon sounds like the ideal husband. I'm going to marry him and take away all of your free cookie privileges," Dengbin declared. 

"Take him, he's especially grouchy lately." Hyojin sighed. "Not enough sleep, too much time working."

The bell at the front of the shop chimed, a man stepping inside. He was wearing a mint green sweater that was at least a few sizes too big and ripped jeans that were more rip than jeans. Accompanied by a messy mop of black hair and a bright smile he spoke.

"What is a good bouquet to get my boyfriend for our anniversary?"

Dengbin practically lept up to help the man, rabbitting on about daffodils and carnations and how "a classic rose is always charming but also might seem like you didn't put much thought into it."

Hyojin resigned to sitting behind the counter and trailing the two with his eyes. Dengbin was talking non-stop, showing the customer a dozen different flowers, judging by the customer's expression; he was beyond bewildered. 

"You're overwhelming him," Hyojin clarified, reaching for his crutches to aid the poor, flustered customer. After hobbling over to the pair, he pointed a crutch at the sunshine yellow daffodils, "Daffodils are always a good option when you don't know what to get someone, and they're gorgeous, even on their own."

"Then I'll get a bouquet of daffodils, please."

"Coming right up," Dengbin announced as he grabbed a bunch of daffodils, trailing after Hyojin back to the counter. Hyojin pulled the stool closer to the counter as he sat down, moving to wrap the daffodils. The customer seemed lost, so he took the initiative when it came to the presentation.

"Thank you," the customer said, shifting awkwardly on his feet, "I'm really lost when it comes to romantic gestures.

Smiling, Hyojin handed the bouquet to the customer, "No problem. It's my job to help you."

When the customer had paid and left, the shop felt empty. Dengbin left for his break not long after so Hyojin was on his own for a while. A few customers came and went, getting their flowers, some trying to insist that Hyojin remain seated, even one old lady crudely telling him he shouldn't be working. All in good heart, Hyojin assumed.

Minseok all but skipped into the shop, greeting Hyojin with a radiant smile. 

"Hi, Jinnie, how are you?" the boy asked, immediately pulling out a stool of his own. He was in his school uniform, having stopped by on his way home.

"Great now that you're here," Hyojin smiled, offering the paper bag of cookies to Minseok.

"You're a legend. A legendary legend," Minseok cheered, immediately sticking a giant chocolate chip cookie in his mouth. 

"I'm a legend because my leg ends." 

"Don't make me block you in real life." Minseok glared menacingly over his cookie.

"I believe that's called murder and is also illegal."

"Not if you don't get caught," Minseok threatened, reaching into the bag for yet another cookie. Almond this time.

"And you assume you won't? How bold," Hyojin mused, grabbing a cookie for himself.

He liked it when Minseok visited him, it provided a sense of normalcy. They just talked and enjoyed themselves; Minseok whined about schoolwork and how much studying he had to do. While Hyojin complained about how tired of not being able to use his legs he was.

"Ooo, can I draw on your cast today?" Minseok pleaded, giving Hyojin the most influential puppy eyes ever cast.

"When have I ever told you no?" 

"Never," Minseok pulled a set of pens from his schoolbag, "keep it that way."

"I'm gonna tell Minkyun that you're threatening me again," Hyojin chuckled, eyeing the designs Minseok was etching into his cast. As usual, the younger was drawings random flowers he saw around the shop, granted, they weren't the best, but Hyojin appreciated it. Minseok didn't see the cast as a reason to treat Hyojin as if he were made of paper like Changyoon did, he just saw it as an empty canvas in need of a little decoration.

"I wouldn't make threats like that since I can crawl faster than you can walk," Minseok mumbled, eyes transfixed on his pen.

If any customers walked in, they'd likely think that Hyojin was slacking off with a teenager bent over his leg. But Minseok's company was what he needed after days of Changyoon continually keeping tabs on him. Changyoon freaked out when he answered the phone to Hyojin saying that he'd fallen while trying to get himself a glass of water. The younger had immediately raced home, worried out of his mind.

"You're going to have a new canvas next time, they're taking my cast off to x-ray me," Hyojin explained, hoping for news that he would be fully mobile soon.

"You have to be good for the doctors, they work hard."

"I always am," Hyojin reached over to pat Minseok on the head. The young boy was too much like a puppy for his own good.

They stayed like this for a while, Minseok silently drawing and Hyojin watching him. Dengbin returned after not long to tend to any customers who came in, although numbers were few and far between. Hyojin busied himself by making the buds in the pot plant on the windowsill bloom into brilliant blue hues. 

He missed this. The ability to use his magic freely without Changyoon berating him about rest and "taking it easy". Being surrounded by flowers eased his mind, and he found himself able to breath easy for the first time in a while. It wasn't often that he was allowed to work, even just short shifts since the doctor said it was only okay every once in a while and not every day.

Eventually, Minseok left, eager to get home before he worried anyone. He profusely thanked Hyojin for the cookies and his company before sliding out of the shop and down the street. 

Hyojin eyed the clock lazily as he waited for Changyoon to pick him up, suddenly finding himself missing the younger. After everything, there was nothing like Changyoon's company, the warmness of the younger who understood him in ways no one else could even imagine. There was something special to their friendship, a feeling of complete and utter trust.

"Hyo!" Changyoon called as he entered the shop, sleepy grin slapped on his face, it was evident that he'd woken up not long ago; unruly bedhead and the same clothes he fell asleep in, this time they were crinkled.

"Hello, Sleeping Beauty, I was wondering when you'd show," Hyojin said sarcastically as he pointed at the little clock next to him, "You're five minutes late."

"Sorry, I dozed off while brushing my teeth. Working too hard," the younger chuckled as he wandered over to the counter. 

"You're going to kill yourself if you keep this up," Hyojin scolded, reaching for Changyoon's hand to steady himself as he stood up. 

"Nah, soon I'll be able to drop being a barista because you'll be back here full time."

Hyojin still eyed the younger warily, Changyoon could smile at him all he liked, but it could never drown out the exhaustion laced in his every movement. It was pointless to try and get Changyoon to take the night off though, Hyojin had convinced it to happen before, but Changyoon had only managed to sleep for a few hours before his body launched him into alertness. That night, Changyoon cleaned the kitchen like it'd never been cleaned before, unable to sleep or even relax.

"Ready to go?" Changyoon asked as Hyojin rounded the counter.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"You're so dramatic."

☀

The hospital's waiting room was a lot more isolating without Changyoon. He liked it much better when Changyoon was seated in the chair next to him, sometimes sleeping but often just sitting in silence while Hyojin fiddled with the younger's hand, occasionally offering light squeezes to comfort the elder's anxieties.

This time though, Hyojin was all alone. The lights hurt his head so for an extended portion of the wait, he just sat with his eyes closed and his head leaned back.

People came and went, shoes squeaking against the linoleum floor. Doctors and nurses called out names that weren't "Kim Hyojin," and Hyojin relaxed.

Eventually, though, he was tired of just listening, opting to look around the small room instead. There were posters plastered all over the walls.

"Have you had your flu shot?" One said in soft blue letters.

"DO YOU DRINK ENOUGH WATER..?" Another screamed in bright orange.

"World mental health day." A pamphlet showcased.

A young girl, no more than five sat across from him. She was crying and tugging on her mother's sleeve, bright pink cast stretching from her fingers to her elbow. It was signed in big letters that weren't entirely decipherable.

A man with a blue cast around his wrist. A boy with a dark green cast covered in teddy bears around his ankle. Hyojin with a white full leg cast covered in flowers drawn by Minseok.

Hyojin opened his phone and mindlessly tapped the screen, opening and closing apps tenfold before he heard a "Kim Hyojin?" from the doorway. 

Quickly, he grabbed his crutches and made his way over to the nurse who then guided him down the corridor and to an open door. 

"Hey, doc," Hyojin said as he sat down across from the doctor.

"Hello, Hyojin, how's your leg?" The doctor asked, eyes peering through thick glasses lenses at Hyojin who shifted anxiously in his seat.

"Still broken." Neither of them laughed. But that's showbiz baby.

"Any pain?" 

"Just when I knock it or put weight on it. I fell over the other day, and it's been a bit achy since then."

The doctor gave Hyojin a stern look, "If you're still trying to get out of that cast as soon as possible, you should be more careful. Falling and hitting it on things is just going to prolong healing."

"I know, I try not to."

And with that, Hyojin was back to waiting. He sat in the corner of the room this time, resting his head against the wall next to him with his leg propped up on a chair in front of him. All of the waiting was boring, and he was inevitably going to nod off before he was collected again.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. 

That's all Hyojin seemed to be doing nowadays. Waiting for Changyoon to get home. Waiting for Changyoon to calm down enough to sleep. Waiting for Changyoon to wake up and order food. Waiting for Changyoon to leave for work. And repeat.

He didn't even notice that he'd fallen asleep until he stirred to the sound of a squeaky wheelchair rolling past. He was warm, warmer than he had been earlier and his tired mind took a few moments to register that it was because he had a blanket strewn over his shoulders.

"Hey, sleepyhead," a soft voice next to him whispered.

"Yoon?" Hyojin shifted to a more alert position, "When did you get here?"

"About ten minutes ago," Changyoon smiled softly, lifting a hand to run through Hyojin's hair, "You can go back to sleep, I'll wake you up when the doctor comes." 

"No," Hyojin mumbled, leaning over to bury his face in Changyoon's shoulder, missing his target and shoving his face into Changyoon's ribs instead. He felt Changyoon's chest rumble with laughter. "Don't want to sleep anymore. I sleep too much."

"Your body needs rest to heal, doofus. Sleeping is good for that."

"But you don't sleep enough, and I sleep too much," Hyojin grumbled into Changyoon's shirt, not bothering to sit upright, "'s not fair."

"I have to work and look after you," Changyoon was patting Hyojin's hair again, "I've told you that I don't mind. I haven't passed out from sleep deprivation yet so stop worrying."

"You're so troublesome," Hyojin whined.

He felt Changyoon's laughter again, "It's my job to be."

Hyojin readjusted himself to sitting with his head on Changyoon's shoulder, the younger's hand in his own as he fiddled.

☀

After a routine x-ray and cast change, Hyojin and Changyoon took a cab home. The sun was setting which meant Changyoon would leave for work soon and Hyojin would be home alone with a banana-yellow cast and evening TV.

Hyojin opted to lie on the couch and wait for Changyoon to cook instead of being a pest. As much as he was clingy and wanted to cuddle Changyoon until they both fell asleep, he couldn't so he just flopped down like he had no bones and turn the tv on.

It was some drama about love and supernatural beings. If you asked Hyojin to tell you what happened in the few minutes he watched it, he wouldn't be able to tell you anything. It was just a soothing white noise while Changyoon bustled about in the kitchen.

Soon enough, there was a steaming bowl of ramen set down on the coffee table as well as a pair of chopsticks.

"Dig in," Changyoon said before indulging in his own serving.

"Didn't you hear the doctor say I should be eating healthier?" Hyojin poked as he sat up, still clutching a cushion tightly to his chest.

"If you want something else, feel free to make it," Changyoon glanced over at Hyojin's pout, "It was a suggestion because you've been putting on weight from all your lying around. Punishment for breaking your leg."

"You're mean."

"I love you, too."

As Hyojin blankly watched the drama, Changyoon disappeared to get ready for work. The guilt was back again, it itched at Hyojin's limbs, urging him to just hold Changyoon and keep him there, but he couldn't do anything. Changyoon was stressed trying to look after Hyojin, and he got angry whenever Hyojin tried to interfere.

"I'm off," Changyoon declared, grabbing his bag as he walked over to the front door. He was wearing just a white button-down, black jeans, a choker and makeup. Changyoon was attractive, anyone could see that, which is probably why so many drunkards at the club would try to get his number.

"Put on a jacket," Hyojin ordered from beneath his mountain of blankets, "it's cold."

"Aye aye, Captain." 

Leather jacket donned, Changyoon wandered over to the blanket mound and pressed a soft kiss to Hyojin's forehead, "Call me if you need anything."

"Be safe," Hyojin called after Changyoon as he slipped out the door.

"Always am!" And with that, Hyojin was alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me?? Keeping an update schedule for more than one update??? It's a christmas miracle.
> 
> Anywho, I hope you guys liked this chapter!! It's not the most eventful but be patient because A Lot if to come.


	4. ELIXIR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [n] A good potion
> 
> or
> 
> a series of encounters between m-tion/changmin

The first time Changyoon and Minkyun meet under unfavourable circumstances; is with shaky, blood-soaked hands.

Minkyun groaned into his closed fist. He'd been nursing a headache all day, and he just begged for his shift to end soon. He'd always hated night-shifts, they were slow and uneventful. An hour felt like forever. It felt wrong to steal glances out the window panes and see the glittering stars dusted across the ink-black sky. The night was peaceful and serene, silence hanging in the air as people slept. It was truly only something Minkyun could appreciate when he was working nights, the subtle serenity that came with knowing that everyone else was dreaming. 

The regular ticking of the clock, the occasional thrum of footsteps up and down the corridors; among the nothingness it was unbearable. 

Maybe it was because of his headache, but Minkyun was fairly certain that the noise, or lack thereof, was driving him crazy. 

The tiring atmosphere was disturbed as the doors to the ER were thrown open. 

Tick tock. That's the clock.

Drip drop. Blood against the floor.

Noise flooded the room. In a moment the gurney was wheeled out of sight, leaving only a somewhat disoriented man being guided to a seat by an EMT. Dongwoo was always particularly friendly with patients; this man was no exception. He was handing the patient a styrofoam cup of water which the patient took with violently trembling hands that smeared blood on the pristine white surface.

"Kyun, can you take care of this one?" 

"Yeah, sure." Minkyun acknowledged that he was being beckoned over, with a clipboard shoved in his hands. The boy was sitting with his head down, dark hair riddled with sparkling pieces of broken glass, blood soaking into his shirt that was most likely not his, and violently quivering hands. Eyes quickly scanning over the information on the clipboard, Minkyun shot the patient a smile.

"Mr Lee Changyoon, would you come with me please?" With an extended hand, he guided Changyoon down a short path to a bed which Changyoon sat on awkwardly, dark eyes scanning the barren space as Minkyun drew the curtain around them and pulled a chair out across from him.

"I don't think this is very necessary, Doctor-" a pause as Changyoon's eyes found Minkyun's name tag, "Park. There are clearly other more urgent things you must tend to."

"I'm not looking after your friend, I'm looking after you because you are my patient." Minkyun interrupted Changyoon's argument before it began, "I've seen my coworkers bring the worst circumstances right again. Your friend is in good hands, I promise."

Changyoon sided and his shoulders lost their tension. Minkyun took this as a sign to continue talking. "So, Changyoon, what happened?"

Shifting nervously as if his skin had begun writhing and squirming at the thought, Changyoon spoke in a quiet voice, "I'm the bartender so I don't know his name; he never told me. But he usually keeps me company, he's very polite which is refreshing. I was tending to someone else's drink when some guy just came out of nowhere and slammed his head against the bar." Changyoon winced. "It made everything shake like in an earthquake. The guy was shouting something about dark magic and by the time I stepped between them the guy was on the floor. I got a beer bottle smashed over my head, and I assume he stabbed him with the broken bottle. I don't know, I think I blacked out because a paramedic was asking me questions and I couldn't see him anymore."

Minkyun hummed thoughtfully as he scratched down notes. There was a big 'CONCUSSION?' in the middle of the page. "I know you're worried about him, but for now I'm more concerned about that head of yours. Does it still hurt?"

Changyoon adverted his gaze. Bingo. "Yeah."

"Can you describe what it feels like?" Minkyun eyed Changyoon, evaluating what he could see about the man's mannerisms.

"Kinda throbbing." Minkyun added a bullet point 'Headache - throbbing."

"Do you feel dizzy at all?"

"A bit?" Pen hit paper.

"Nauseous?"

"Nope," Changyoon said, popping the p. Minkyun's constant note-taking was probably adding to his increasing jitters.

"How's the vision? Am I blurry? Are you seeing two incredibly handsome doctors sitting across from you?"

Changyoon let out a breathy chuckle, "No, doc."

Pulling a little torch from his pocket, Minkyun was on his feet now, pointing the light rather threateningly at Changyoon. "I'm just gonna shine this light in your eye real quick," he explained, turning the light on and getting a good look at the way Changyoon's pupils reacted.

"Is it bad?" Changyoon asked timidly. Minkyun could almost feel the man's anxiety.

"Not from what I can see. I'd say a mild concussion." Changyoon relaxed at this. "Would you like to call someone to pick you up? Someone you can stay with for the next 24 hours to keep an eye on you, maybe?"

Changyoon groaned at this, which startled Minkyun. "Hyojin is going to throw a fit."

"I doubt it'd be much of a hassle for him to keep an eye on you for at least the rest of the night, maybe get a friend to look after you if he has to work?"

"It's not that he wouldn't be able to." Changyoon ran his hands down his face and exhaled loudly. "He's going to worry himself half to death."

"For now, you need to take care of yourself. Take it easy."

Minkyun excused himself while Changyoon looked at his cell phone with nothing but dread.

"Hey, Hyo. Sorry to wake you. I'm at the hospital, can you come and get me?"

☀

The second time Changyoon and Minkyun meet under unfavourable circumstances, there is no blood, but Jaeyoung is hanging on Changyoon's shoulder like a wet rag.

Feet paced back and forth on the carpet, probably wearing holes in the material. Minkyun punched the in Jaeyoung's number on his phone, holding it up to his ear for the millionth time as he listened for the phone's ringing and let out a frustrated sigh when he was met with the standard voicemail, Jaeyoung always forgot to set it. Again and again, he'd ring, but Jaeyoung never picked up his phone.

Apparently, it was too difficult to not disappear into the night while Minkyun was working. Just so hard to bundle yourself up in a blanket and watch television for eight hours, maybe even sleeping for a good chunk of those hours. 

Minkyun had tiredly stumbled through the back door, keys in his hand jingling as they swayed. The house was plunged in darkness, nothing unusual for 11pm, yet something about it sent shivers down his spine. It was like his own spidey sense, he just knew when something was wrong or missing the second he stepped over the threshold.

The tv was still on, some random late-night cartoon casting light across the living room. Minseok was still tucked into bed, a sticker-covered door between his sleep and the chaos that Minkyun was feeling. 

After wandering around the house a few times, continually redialing Jaeyoung's number, Minkyun sat down on the couch and waited. He didn't even try to contain his tears. He was tired and stressed and now worrying about his boyfriend who could never listen to any instruction he was given. Jaeyoung could be anywhere, probably somewhere drinking. The probability wasn't any more soothing than him being anywhere else. There's this kind of worry that comes with having your boyfriend getting stabbed at a club a week ago that really just doesn't put Minkyun's mind at ease.

Then the doorbell rung, startling Minkyun out of his thoughts. He all but launched himself to the door, pulling it open in his haste to confirm that Jaeyoung was home safe. But standing on his doorstep was not one, but two people.

He recognised Jaeyoung's drunken face as the man hung off of the shoulder of one of Minkyun's patients. Lee Changyoon. The bartender from the bar where Jaeyoung got stabbed. Small world.

"Oh? Changyoon, come in." Minkyun stepped aside, gesturing for Changyoon to enter. When Changyoon offered him an awkward, tired smile, he took Jaeyoung's dead weight off of the kid. 

"I'm sorry if I'm disturbing you. He drank a lot, and I wanted to make sure he got home safe," Changyoon said, rolling his shoulders and determining whether or not he retained any sensation after lugging Jaeyoung home. 

"Take a seat," Minkyun pointed to the dining room, "I'll make you tea for your troubles. I'm really thankful you brought him home."

Changyoon was quick to interject, waving his hands and nervously scrunching up his eyes, "No, you don't have to. I should probably just go now."

"Nonsense. It's the least I can do for you." Minkyun carefully guided Jaeyoung over to the living room couch, the elder grumbling in his drunken stupor as he was settled onto the couch. Jaeyoung was snoring almost as soon as he lay down and Minkyun just tucked a blanket over his most recent worries.

Turning back to Changyoon, he pointed sternly at one of the dining room seats. Changyoon, being the good, timid child he was, sat down and watched Minkyun move into the kitchen and turn the kettle on. It was evident that the bartender didn't want to be there, but Minkyun's hospitality overpowered his willingness to let Changyoon return to the bar.

"How's your head doing?" Minkyun hummed as he retrieved two mugs from the cupboard. 

"Ah, it's good? After a good day of rest, it was back to new."

"That's good." Minkyun held up a biscuit tin. "Cookie?"

He took the silence as a yes, opening the tin and sliding it over the table to Changyoon before returning to tea-making. Bless Minseok's sudden urge to bake with Jaeyoung the other day. While Jaeyoung had been off of work recuperating, Minseok had insisted on doing things together, watching movies, baking cookies, ordering pizza so that it arrived just before Minkyun got home from work; you name it.

Minkyun handed Changyoon one of the mugs of tea which the bartender took with a sheepish "thank you" before seating himself at the table. 

"I know this is probably super awkward for you, but I just wanted to thank you. I was really worried about him." Minkyun grabbed himself a cookie and nudged the tin closer to Changyoon. "Have one, Minseok made them."

"Who's Minseok?" Changyoon asked as he took a cookie of his own.

"He's kind of like my son. Obviously, not my son because I am not old enough to have a teen son. But I took him in a couple years ago after he came into the hospital in bad shape and he lives with me now."

"He's lucky to have you. You're a nice guy, Dr Park." 

"Don't call me doctor it makes me feel like I'm at work. I am home, in my home clothes, just call me Minkyun. We'll probably see each other again since that dumbass has an affinity for getting himself into trouble, away." Minkyun shot Changyoon a warm smile. 

Sending a smile back, Changyoon took another cookie. Good to see Minseok's hard work wasn't going to waste. "I would ask if he usually gets himself into trouble, but I've witnessed at least two barfights he was involved in. One of which ended with me getting concussed and him, stabbed."

"Sorry about that. I try to get him to stay at home, but he never listens."

"No, you don't have to apologise. Fights happen every other night, and of all the guys I've served, there are at least a couple hundred much worse," Changyoon explained, he seemed to be more at ease now.

"Is your job very stressful?" Minkyun asked, curious.

Changyoon just shrugged. "I sell alcohol to people, it's not exactly a job with mundane customer interactions. Apparently, I'm pretty though. Lots of customers ask for my number. You get used to it though." Changyoon eyed Minkyun carefully. "Anyway, I'm pretty sure your job is more stressful."

"As you said, you get used to it."

They chatted for a while, before Changyoon looked at his watch, cursed a few times and left. 

☀

The third time Changyoon and Minkyun meet under unfavourable circumstances, Changyoon is awkwardly standing next to Jaeyoung in his living room with a bunch of tissues shoved in his nose.

"Do I even want to know?" Minkyun began as he stalked off to retrieve an ice pack. 

"Some guy punched him. I wanted to make sure that he's okay," Jaeyoung said, guiding Changyoon to a seat with his hands on the man's shoulders.

"I'm okay," Changyoon argued, only to be shushed by Jaeyoung's hand over his mouth. 

"You've plugged his nose, pity him and don't cut off his breathing," Minkyun chided as he returned to deal with the pair. 

Jaeyoung resorted to awkwardly hovering as Minkyun tilted Changyoon's head forward and removed the tissues. 

"Pinch your nose, it's not broken," Minkyun instructed before turning to Jaeyoung, "hand me the box of tissues, I doubt Changyoon wants to be covered in blood."

"He's right. I don't." If the atmosphere hadn't been so tense and Minkyun's eyes steely, Changyoon's nasally voice would've been funny. But Jaeyoung just silently placed a box of tissues in Changyoon's lap which Minkyun took and began using to tenderly wipe the blood away from Changyoon's mouth and chin. Not the most pleasant state to be in by a long shot. 

Minkyun rolled back on his heels with a sigh. "Do you get punched a lot?" 

With wide eyes, Changyoon hastily shook his head, "Nope. It's happened before, but it's far from common." 

"I see."

"Too much," Jaeyoung mumbled with venom in his voice. He was positively fuming- or as close to it as the embodiment of sunshine could get. 

Changyoon just rolled his eyes and turned back to Minkyun. "He's being dramatic. I'm sorry you have to deal with me, I could just call my coworker, knock-off early and go home."

"Don't worry about it. I know Jaeyoung tends to worry about everything to lengths beyond reason."

"Jaeyoung." Changyoon's eyebrows knit together as he looked at Minkyun. Jaeyoung coughed awkwardly. 

It was this moment that something slotted into place. The relationship between the two men in his living room with him was not quite as close as Minkyun has anticipated. 

"You didn't tell him your name?!" Minkyun snapped his gaze to Jaeyoung threateningly. How could he not? Knowing each other's names was a pretty standard, early stage of any companionship and somehow they'd just skipped it. Alcohol leads to weird situations. 

"It never came up," Changyoon explained.

"He never asked," Jaeyoung quickly interjected.

At this, Minkyun just made a dramatic show of his sighing. Why was everyone in his life a total idiot? "Well, Changyoon, this is Shim Jaeyoung." He held his hand palm up beneath Jaeyoung's chin as the elder smiled awkwardly. "Jaeyoung, this is Lee Changyoon." He pointed at the bartender who was currently just staring at Jaeyoung like a deer caught in headlights. 

"Jaeyoung... that's a nice name."

Cue awkwardness. Minkyun doesn't get paid enough for not being at work. When things are awkward between doctor and patient, you can at least chalk it up to the fact that their strangers but Jaeyoung had literally had this bartender walk him home and get concussed on his behalf. 

"Watching the two of you interact is exhausting. Why don't you know how to speak to each other anymore?"

"Important revelations," Changyoon said.

"Names and whatnot. You know, only the deepest knowledge about each other that you'd only know if you had been lifelong friends. I get it."

Jaeyoung sat on the sofa with a loud huff that filled the near-silent air. "If it makes things any better, I knew his name already."

"No. In fact, that makes it worse." Minkyun spared his boyfriend a look. "It makes it seem like you were keeping secrets. I hope you have intentions of making it up to him."

"I do. I just don't know how."

Changyoon looked a little lost amongst their spat. Minkyun pitied the man who was brought into the house against his wishes and forced into third-wheeling an argument. 

"Unplug your nose for a sec."

Changyoon obeyed. 

After cleaning away the blood that had continued to flow, Minkyun determined that the bleeding had stopped and sent Changyoon a thumbs-up. "You're good to go. Just don't get punched again too soon."e

"Yes, doc."

☀

When Changyoon had left after Minkyun confirmed that he was headed home and not back to where he got decked, Minkyun all but dragged Jaeyoung to their shared bedroom. 

"You're so mean to that boy!" Minkyun seethed, eyes nearly burning holes in Jaeyoung's forehead.

"What? I don't try to be," Jaeyoung tried to reason, fruitlessly.

"You dragged him here, and he didn't even know your name. There is first aid for a reason, he looked so lost and scared. I know you were worried about him but next time, I think calling me will suffice instead of bringing him here. I don't hate him, but he seems to be uneasy here, especially since he's only here when you've drunken yourself stupid, or he's hurt."

"I just don't want him to be hurt. I care about him."

Minkyun reached out to pat Jaeyoung's shoulder. "Then apologise to him when you next see him and maybe invite him to spend time with you during the day. I don't think being overbearing will get you brownie points."

"You never know." Jaeyoung grinned, it was stupid, and he looked like a stupid puppy, but Minkyun loved his stupid face.

"I hate you so much." Minkyun leant up to kiss Jaeyoung. It was soft and chaste, but it held all the confirmation that he wasn't mad to calm Jaeyoung down.

"You know you love me." 

And he did. He still loved Jaeyoung despite how the elder could be overbearing or overly worried about everyone he cared about. It added to the charm of his personality. But if Minkyun told you that he didn't want to throw hands with his boyfriend sometimes, he'd be a liar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is kinda bad, i'll be the first to admit. it took me 4 days because i cannot, for the life of me, write mk's pov.
> 
> also this was supposed to be the 6th chapter but now it's not because the next 4+ chapters all kinda work together as they are around our first actual piece of plot. so look toward to that!!


	5. LITOST

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [n] a state of torment created by the sudden sight of one's own misery. a feeling of regret or remorse for doing wrong
> 
> or
> 
> things get a little complicated for our sweet little necromancer

"Hey, Kiddo."

Changyoon was waiting on the bench outside the clinic when Yuto finished up his work at the aviaries. In utter surprised, Yuto froze momentarily, not having expected any company, let alone the barista whom he had only spoken to on a few occasions.

" _Oh,_ hey, Changyoon," Yuto rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, "I didn't think you'd actually show."

"Your lack of faith wounds me," Changyoon gasped, clutching at his chest in a dramatic show of pain.

"Sure, sure," Yuto amended, adjusting the bag over his shoulder. He'd never been so awkward around Changyoon before. It was strange, but Yuto chalked it up to the change in environment and lack of coffee.

"Do you wanna head off?" Changyoon asked, awkwardly sliding his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rocking back and forth on his feet.

"Yep, one sec." Yuto dashed into the clinic and shouted into the empty waiting room, "See you tomorrow, Jaeyoung!"

"See ya, pipsqueak!" A deep voice sounded from the other room. Yuto smiled and turned back to Changyoon who was waiting for him with a soft smile.

"Aww, kiddo has friends," Changyoon cooed.

Yuto stuck his tongue out at Changyoon, "Guide the way, my noble companion."

"Actually, I was hoping you'd lead. I forgot my way out."

"You're hopeless."

"But you love me."

"This is slander." Yuto cast an offended look at Changyoon who just giggled in response.

The awkward vibe between the two quickly melted away and they were walking side by side, throwing jokes around and overall enjoying themselves.

"You know, seeing you like that yesterday messed me up," Changyoon interrupted a momentary silence between the two of them, "I'm happy you agreed to me walking you home, it helps me know that you're safe."

Looking up at Changyoon in surprise with a little hint of guilt, Yuto hummed. "It's okay. I know you're still worrying about Jinnie a lot, I'm sorry to be something else for you to worry about."

If Yuto was surprised before, it was nothing in comparison to the shock he felt when Changyoon slapped him in the back of the head.

"Nonsense. You could've died if I wasn't still at the cafe," Changyoon snapped. 

_  
The glass slipped from Changyoon's hand as the unmistakable sound of a gunshot rang through the air. The glass shattered but Changyoon's feet were already moving toward the door as if he had been hypnotised._

_"Yoon? What was that?" Hyojin's tired voice called from the back room, the noise had apparently startled him awake._

_"Stay there, Hyo," Changyoon quickly shouted, his veins singing with anxiety, "I heard shooting not far from here. I'm going to check it out."_

_"Be careful. Don't get hurt."_

_"I always am," Changyoon replied before leaving the cafe. It didn't take him much time to follow the noise that the gunshot had come from, it was only two blocks down the street where he saw someone curled up on the pavement. Whoever had set off the shots was nowhere in sight._

_"Excuse me," Changyoon said, inching towards the person, "Excuse me, are you okay?"_

_He knelt down, reaching out a trembling hand to shake the person's shoulder._

_"Are you hurt?" He rolled the person over enough to see their face._

_Closed eyes, pale skin, blood oozing from a wound in his hair; it was_ Yuto. 

_"Yuto," Changyoon began tapping the young boy's cheek as an effort to get a response, "Yuto, kiddo, can you open your eyes for me?"_

_Alongside the sensation of wetness soaking into the knees of his jeans, Changyoon's attention was shifted to the deep crimson patch on the chest of Yuto's green hoodie. Without thinking he grabbed Yuto's phone from the front pocket, unlocking it quickly due to the lack of lock on it. He tapped on the first phone number he saw, Jinyoung._

_Through their casual conversations, Changyoon had learned that Jinyoung was skilled in healing magic. And that was the miracle he needed right now. At the rate the puddle of blood under Yuto was growing, time was of the essence._

_"Yuto?" Jinyoung's voice resonated through the speakerphone._

_"Changyoon. Can you come to about two blocks from the Fifty Fifty cafe? Closest to you. Yuto's hurt."_

_He could hear Jinyoung rustling around, unmistakably anxious shuffling before Changyoon heard the door open._

_"Stay on the line, don't hang up under any circumstance. What happened?"_

_"He's been shot," Changyoon whimpered helplessly, "please hurry he's bleeding so much."_

_"Put pressure on the wound, don't worry about hurting him just try to slow the bleeding." The sound of a car engine turning on._

_Changyoon did as he was told, firmly pressing both hands over the bloody patch on Yuto's chest. He could feel the blood running over his hands, he felt sick._

_With a pained whine, Yuto's eyes were open, and he was breathing heavily._

_"Good morning, Kiddo, nice of you to join us," Changyoon bit._

_"Is he conscious?" Jinyoung's voice came from the speakers._

_"Now he is."_

_"Good, keep him talking."_

_Changyoon kept the force against Yuto's wound despite the boy's cries. "Kiddo, how are you feeling?"_

_"It hurts, dad," a pained gasp, his words began to slur, "it hurts real bad."_

_"I'm not your dad, Kiddo, but Jinyoung will be here real soon, okay? You just gotta stay awake for me," Changyoon_

_Not ten seconds later, he heard the slamming of a car door and hurried footsteps before Jinyoung was kneeling on the other side of Yuto, holding the boy's face gently._

_"Hey bud, I'm gonna fix you up real quick." Jinyoung murmured, running a hand through the boy's hair.  
_

"It was terrifying. You called me _'dad'_ , and I seriously thought it was your last delirious thought before kicking the bucket," Changyoon sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "so don't apologise, I'm happy to walk you home if it means I don't have to see you like that again."

"I'm sorry," Yuto mumbled quietly, fingers tugging at the hem of his sweater. If Yuto knew he was going to get shot and cause trouble, he would've stayed at the cafe, met Hyojin when he woke up and called Jinyoung to pick him up. But yet, how would that have stopped the event from occurring today or tomorrow instead of yesterday?

"As I said, don't be. You're my friend, and I want you to be safe."

"Okay, thank you."

"You gave Hyojin a mini heart attack when I showed up back at the cafe with blood on my hands. I'm going to have to wrap the two of you up in bubble wrap," Changyoon declared, reaching over to ruffle Yuto's hair. 

🌙

"Hey, Yuto, how was work?" Jinyoung asked while he moved around the kitchen, preparing a meal for the two of them.

"It was good," Yuto muttered absently, toeing off his shoes before abandoning them next to the door. He was too tired to deal with this.

"Something bothering you?" Jinyoung inquired, the steady rhythm of a knife against chopping board ceased.

"Not really, I'm just tired," Yuto muttered absently, wandering over to the dining table where he all but collapsed into a chair.

Jinyoung moved away from his cooking at this point and made his way over to Yuto, "Are you feeling okay?"

There it was, the worried look that Jinyoung had cast towards him so many times. Yuto could paint it blindfolded. 

As the back of Jinyoung's hand rested against Yuto's forehead, he hummed, "Just tired."

"Long day?" 

"You could say that. I also have an early start tomorrow."

"Oh, when? I'll text Changyoon and let him know to come by earlier."

"You don't have to," Yuto interjected quickly with a wave of his hands, "I can walk myself."

"Just let him walk you for a couple days okay? I think we'd both feel better knowing that you're not alone."

Yuto could see Jinyoung's reasoning, it's not every day you get shot and the fact that it happened only yesterday was probably adding to the concern. But it made Yuto's skin crawl, it felt like he had someone breathing down his neck at every possible moment. Every twist and turn, someone was watching him. He felt trapped.

"Why do you keep treating me like a baby?" Yuto snapped, a wave of rage flooding his senses, he jumped to his feet and crossed the room, something just making him want to put as much distance between himself and Jinyoung as possible.

"Whoa, bud, I'm just worried about you."

" _Well stop it,_ " Yuto growled, shoving a pile of papers off of the nearby cabinet. The sound of them all hitting the floor as a seamless mass rattled throughout the room, bouncing off of the walls.

"Yuto, you almost died yesterday!" Jinyoung sighed in exasperation, "I have a perfectly valid reason to worry about you!"

The loss of control hit him like a tsunami coming ashore. It was sudden, yet slow and rolling. The wave towered over Yuto before it slammed full-force into Yuto, sending him staggering. There was a bitter taste in his mouth and a fire in his veins.

"Bud?" Jinyoung's voice was closer now, laced with concern, "are you alright?"

"I don't need a babysitter!" Yuto shouted as regained his posture. He kicked something, too blind in his anger to see what it was. It hit the wall with a thud.

"Yu, calm down," Jinyoung approached cautiously, "let's just talk about this, bud. Tell me why you're upset." 

"I'm sick. And tired. Of you treating me like I'm made of glass, I'm not a broken toy for you to fix," Yuto ground out, eyes locked onto Jinyoung's. It was that moment he knew that Jinyoung couldn't recognise him, the elder stumbling backwards a few steps. It was also that moment when Yuto knew that he was no longer himself.

Regardless, Jinyoung pressed on, "Is this what you're mad about, that I worry about you?"

"Please don't do this," Yuto exhaled shakily, "don't act like you care. _Not now."_

"Of course I care, I love you, Yuto," Jinyoung moved closer again before Yuto threw a picture frame at his head. It missed and crashed into the wall behind him.

"Stop acting like my you're my dad because you're not. You will never be." The floorboards rattled. Yuto was livid, consumed by his emotions and ready to unleash hell.

"For how long? How long were you bottling this up?" Jinyoung was still calm and gentle, approaching Yuto as he would a wounded animal, it was infuriating. He should be scared, he should be running, he shouldn't be trying to neutralise the situation, he shouldn't be edging closer to the danger.

"It's none of your business. Go away. Leave. I don't want to see you."

"I can't give up on you, so please don't give up on me."

"I told you to leave." Yuto held up a hand, he could feel the sparks of energy darting across his skin, they were hot like his own personal fire. His anger fell to a broken plead as it passed his lips, "I could kill you right now, you know that?"

Jinyoung held up his hands in surrender. "You're not in control right now, Yuto. Calm down before you do something you'll regret. Come on, you know me, match my breathing." He then made a pointed show of him inhaling and exhaling slowly. Yuto didn't falter.

"Shut up! Just... shut up!" He yelled, standing taller and holding Jinyoung's wide-eyed gaze. He could feel the way his magic consumed him, how it filled his veins with power beyond his own comprehension, how it stripped the control from his grasp. At this point, he was terrified; not of Jinyoung but of himself and what he no longer could control.

"Are you even listening to me?" Jinyoung pleaded.

"Leave. Leave right now. Please."

"You know I can't," Jinyoung tried again, edging closer to Yuto as if the proximity would make the younger see reason.

"Go. Away." Yuto ground out, gaze unwavering as tears pooled in his eyes. He could see the horror in Jinyoung's as well as the fleeting sense of hope. There were no winners here.

"Yuto, C'mon, we can talk about this."

_"Leave me alone!"_ he shouted. And with that, the fire consumed him, and the world disappeared.

🌙

Blinking, Yuto came to. The light of dawn fell across the floor, basking the room in a warm glow. He was propped up against the wall, head 

His eyes fell upon Jinyoung's limp form lying in the light.

The realisation was like a flash flood, suddenly encapsulating him, he was drowning. Choking and sputtering, he tried to crawl to Jinyoung. As the tall waves covered him, his tears were waves of their own. 

His muscles went limp, and he was reduced to just sitting there, staring at the aftermath of his actions. It had only been a momentary loss of control, but the consequences were dire.

And so he stayed, motionless as time hurtled forward. He didn't budge when there was a knocking at the door. As much as he tried to move, he couldn't, muscles unresponsive to his brain. It was like a shell of a body haunted by a ghost.

Ghosts never scared Yuto, throughout his life he'd met plenty of spirits who were just eager for interacting with someone, anyone. Often, he'd spend the afternoon chatting away with a young spirit, time slipping away from both of them. A ghost had no concerns for time passing.

But Yuto was scared to become a ghost. He couldn't move, unable to touch or reach out for anything, he was haunting his own body.

The knocking returned. It was both too loud and inaudible at the same time. Yuto couldn't determine how long it had been between the knocks, a minute, an hour? 

"It's Changyoon," the voice was muffled, muted, sounding as if it were far away. 

There was another round of knocking.

A twist of a doorknob.

Footsteps.

"Guys," the footsteps continued. Yuto was unable to gauge the distance they were from him, "the door was unlocked. I'm here to walk Yuto to work."

More footsteps. 

A gasp. 

They sped up.

Changyoon was next to Jinyoung now, shaking the elder's shoulder roughly and asking a string of questions that Yuto couldn't decipher. 

Shoulders trembling slightly, Changyoon did something that Yuto couldn't see, but after a few moments, he released a shaky sigh, "Holy shit..."

And it was then that Changyoon turned around and met eyes with Yuto. 

"Yuto," he breathed, a sense of something heavy in his voice. Yuto couldn't read it, he couldn't tell what Changyoon was feeling. 

In the blink of an eye, Changyoon was crouched in front of the younger boy.

"What happened? Are you okay?" 

Silence.

"Yuto, are you hurt anywhere?" Changyoon's words were grating against Yuto's ears, and if the younger were not trapped in a dead shell, he would've winced.

"Kiddo," Changyoon tried again, words blending together as they filtered through Yuto's ears, "can you look at me? What happened?"

Fingers fumbling and shaking, Changyoon turned Yuto's head in an effort to pry his gaze away from Jinyoung's prone form. There was still a pink apron tied loosely around his waist, banana socks that Yuto had bought him one birthday on his feet. Changyoon's efforts were in vain as Yuto's eyes remained fixated on Jinyoung, on events he couldn't recall clearly, on the undeniable fact that he did this. There was a lingering burning on his fingertips, it was the only thing he could feel, the sting of power. 

"Kid..." Changyoon breathed, wrapping his arms around Yuto and drawing the kid closer to his body. With his chin on Changyoon's shoulder, he could still see the shape of Jinyoung's body as if it had been burned into the wall. Changyoon was running a hand through Yuto's hair. 

When Changyoon finally tried to draw the younger away from the site, Yuto stumbled, staggered and would've fallen if not for Changyoon's death grip around his shoulders. The elder was muttering something that Yuto couldn't understand, probably meant to be comforting.

As soon as they were out of the room, Changyoon sat Yuto down on one of the dining room chairs. 

Eyes lazily trailing Changyoon as he paced, Yuto felt a tightness in his chest. He was a killer, he killed the only family he'd ever felt able to claim as his. And Changyoon was still trying to help him. Even if that could get him killed too. Yuto was capable of so much damage, and he couldn't reign in or control his powers, the fire that remained in his fingertips was evidence of that.

"Kid," Changyoon was by his side now, "we can sort this out. You're gonna be okay."

🌙

Yuto couldn't recall much of what happened between him leaving his house with Changyoon and arriving on an unfamiliar doorstep. Faintly, in his memory, he could hear the rumble of a car's engine and Changyoon talking to him, repeating a mantra.

When Changyoon pushed open the door and guided Yuto inside, a man on the sofa sat up. Piecing together the few details that Changyoon had given him previously, accompanied by the bright yellow cast on his leg; Yuto determined that this was Hyojin.

"Yoon? Is he okay?" the words were surprisingly clear. 

The air here was so much lighter. Unlike his home where the smog of death was suffocating, here there was a soft floral scent and ease in breathing.

"No, he's really shaken up," Changyoon amended as he carefully guided Yuto to sit down on the sofa next to Hyojin. Hastily, the other man wrapped a blanket around his shoulders, rubbing a hand over his shoulders in an attempt to soothe him.

"What happened?" Hyojin asked Changyoon, voice soft and cautious.

"I don't know. I showed up to walk Yuto to work, and Jinyoung was dead. He's been like this since I found him."

"I'll go get him some water." And with that, Hyojin disappeared from next to him.

"Kiddo, you're okay. You're safe. Can you talk to me?" Changyoon pressed gently.

He was met only with silence.

When Hyojin returned, Changyoon took the glass and thanked him. 

"Kiddo, hey," Changyoon was soft and patient with Yuto, not trying to spook the younger, "can you drink some of this?"

Yuto's teeth clinked against the edge of the class as Changyoon brought it to his lips. To ease the clench of his jaw felt like his bones were grinding against each other.

The water turned to ash on his tongue. Dry and suffocating. He choked and sputtered, doubling over until his head was between his knees. In a flash flood, his sense returned. His lungs burned, the blanket on his back was warm, the lights were too bright, the floral scent in the room was almost suffocating, Changyoon was murmuring into his ear as a hand trailed up and down his spine. Alongside the restoration of sensation, nausea struck with the wrath of the gods.

"Mmgonbesick," Yuto groaned, pressing his face further into his knees. Changyoon's lighting reflexes of grabbing the nearby rubbish bin and tucking it under Yuto's head before the boy began retching. 

It wasn't pleasant, but the hand on his back never stopped, and Yuto was thankful for the one sensation he could focus on that wasn't overwhelming. 

But the touch eventually burned and Yuto scrambled away from it, tripping over his own feet as his legs turned to jelly. Rather ungracefully, he hit the floor. 

_"Stop,"_ he rasped out, holding up a shaky hand at Changyoon who was already moving to help him. Hyojin's hand remained frozen midair where Yuto's back had been. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Kiddo, it's okay," Changyoon started, only to be cut off.

_"I killed him."_

The room became suffocating, the air was thick and no matter how much of it Yuto inhaled, his lungs still ached for oxygen, "I killed him- I lost control- I didn't mean to- what have I done?"

The second Changyoon wrapped his arms around Yuto's shaking shoulders, Yuto began to sob. Fingers tightly grasping onto the material of Changyoon's shirt, Yuto wailed.

🌙

It was a unanimous decision to tuck Yuto into Changyoon's bed. The boy was beyond exhausted, unable to hold his own head up, so both Hyojin and Changyoon saw it best to let him sleep. He'd had a rough day.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Hyojin asked when Changyoon returned from making sure Yuto was comfortable.

"Maybe. Not for a while though," Changyoon mused. He couldn't shake the image of Yuto's hollow eyes from his memory or the way he cried as if the world were falling apart at the seams. Something tugged at Changyoon's heart and told him to do everything he could to prevent Yuto from feeling that ever again.

After a while of chatting absently with Hyojin, Changyoon got up to check on Yuto again; see if he was sleeping or if he wanted anything.

Gently easing the door open and peeking inside, Changyoon's eyes scanned the dimly lit room for his guest.

The window was open; the bed empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter!! It's a lot. I'm proud of you.
> 
> but my favourite chapter is up next and Seungjoon finally shows up by name. We're only like 15k in before he's here and it's a grand entrance. It's also the longest chapter by far. So look forward to that !!


	6. BARMECIDE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [adj] illusory or imaginary and therefore disappointing
> 
> or
> 
> Seungjoon's here, and he has a rough time, but it's ok because he has people who love him.

The flowers tumbled from his fingertips as his grip went slack. The yellow petals dropped to the floor with a soft thud and Seungjoon's eyes prickled with tears.

Seungjoon had unlocked the door to his boyfriend's apartment as quietly as possible, crept inside cautiously with the bouquet of daffodils tucked behind his back. It was their anniversary. It took all of Seungjoon's self-control to not skip to his boyfriend's room where the elder was likely napping. With a grin plastered on his face, he silently dodged the creaky floorboards and made his way down the hallway. 

Joy bubbled in his chest. It was warm and bright, energising Seungjoon's every step. It was sweet like the caramels that Chansik hid in the back of the cabinet above the fridge; knowing fully well that Seungjoon couldn't reach without standing on the counter.

The one-time Seungjoon had tried to get the caramels down, just to taste one, he managed to climb the counter and open the cabinet before his foolish ways caught up with him. Life advice: don't climb smooth surfaces with socks on. Fingers wrapping around the container of sweets, Seungjoon celebrated a moment too early. His foot slipped, and gravity seized him as he plummeted to the floor with a loud crash. Chansik had come running, naturally concerned about the noise, to find Seungjoon sprawled on the floor with a container teetering dangerously out of its cupboard. They'd ended up having to go for a late night trip to the hospital, later finding out that Seungjoon had broken his wrist in the fall. Chansik eventually relented and gave his pouty and broken boyfriend some treats. The lengths one must go to for caramels. 

The caramels were now bitter, stinging the back of Seungjoon's mouth as the flowers hit the floor. Maybe he should've called out when he got home. Maybe he should've knocked on the door before surging forward and pushing it open. Maybe he shouldn't have come home at all. 

Anything to spare him the sight of Chansik kissing a man he had pressed against the headboard of the bed. He was a stranger, to Seungjoon, at least, with pale orange hair and round cheeks that Chansik held with the same hands that he'd held Seungjoon's with that morning before he left for work. 

_And then he was running._

So much for subtlety. 

So much for secrets staying secret.

So much for love.

"Seungjoon!" Chansik's voice followed him. "Baby, _please."_

But he kept running, into the streets and into the rain where Chansik didn't follow him.

It was only then that he allowed himself to cry. If Seungjoon saw anyone he knew, he'd say that work was stressful or that he'd had a fight with Chansik. It wasn't far off the truth.

🌙

There was the loud crash of one of Seungjoon's favourite mugs against the hardwood floor, and he quickly ducked the candle, thankfully unlit, that was thrown at his head. He was no stranger to unhappy customers, but it was rare that one would tear apart his displays to launch at him.

The lady standing across the room, threateningly holding one of Seungjoon's more expensive breakables, was furious. As soon as her fortune stumbled from Seungjoon's lips, she was out of her seat, insisting that he was telling her a false future for the sake of a few bucks. With her dark hair pulled into a hairstyle atop her head that mimicked that of the powdered wigs from decades ago, she hurled petty insults at Seungjoon.

A pricey glass sparrow hit Seungjoon in the shoulder; it was enough to knock him off his balance for a moment before the bird, a gift from his mother fell to the floor and shattered across the ground. The lady sneered at him triumphantly; Seungjoon repressed the urge to tell her that she had bright red lipstick on her teeth.

"Ma'am, please stop throwing things," Seungjoon began in his best 'customer service' voice, "Let's just discuss this, like mature adults."

"Why would I talk to you? You'll just try and weasel money out of me. You're a liar and a trickster, and I'll tell everyone how much of a fraud you really are!" the woman screeched, readying herself to take a picture frame from the wall. As dread curled in the pit of Seungjoon's stomach, he could only hope that she'd relent soon and leave. He wasn't expecting payment at this point since the woman was so adamant in her belief that he was a scam. He was okay with this; he just wanted her to leave his house before further adding to the damages.

Unfortunately for Seungjoon, his big, framed watercolour piece came crashing down on his head. It as sudden, catching Seungjoon off-guard as glass rained down around him. Maybe he should invest in fewer glass displays in the room where he told people with undeterminable anger management skills truths that they may not be ready to accept.

Heels clicked loudly against the hardwood floor, and Seungjoon silently prayed that she was leaving him alone instead of furthering her assault with more things he didn't want to be broken. The slamming of the front door made him cringe. The noise engulfed the room like a dragon's roar, before the deafening silence. It was only now that Seungjoon allowed himself to crumbled back into his seat, mindful of the tiny sparkling shards littered everywhere that he'd have to deal with later.

Fingers trembling with the remanents of adrenaline, Seungjoon phoned the only person he wanted to hear from right now. Someone who could offer him a conversation to ease his mind. The room was in shambles, and Seungjoon was too worked up to bring himself to deal with it right now. To deal with the fractured pieces of sentimental objects like a glass sparrow that was not even the size of his palm.

The ringing only lasted a few moments before a voice was on the other line.

_"Hey, Seungjoon! How are you?"_ Minkyun's chipper voice offered Seungjoon an eased tension in his shoulders. 

Seungjon sighed, "Admittedly? Not too great, customers suck."

_"Ah, bud, I'm sorry. What happened?"_

"This lady got mad about her fortune and tore my displays apart. There's glass everywhere, and I didn't even get my dinner money." Seungjoon eyed the shards scattered across his floor; another day, he'd have appreciated the way they reflected rainbows across the walls and ceiling.

_"Do you need help getting things back in order? I can drag Jaeyoung and Minseok over. They'll be happy to help."_

"You don't have to!" Seungjoon interrupted quickly with a wave of his arms that he knew Minkyun couldn't see, but that didn't stop him. "Just a few things were thrown. I mostly just have to clean up all the glass. Tell the gremlin boys that I say hi. I should take up residence on your couch for movie night soon. I miss the company."

_"We could arrange that. Take care, okay?"_ And with that Minkyun was gone.

"Bye," Seungjoon's voice filled the empty air.

🌙

Officially done with people the next day, Seungjoon sought out the florists he'd visited for the daffodils. He felt somewhat guilty, for throwing the pretty bouquet into the gutter after the cute florist saved him from decision making. So he was making up for it by getting another bouquet. 

As he pushed open the door with maybe a little too much force, the old bell hanging above the entryway loudly protested the action. 

"Oh? I didn't expect to see you back so soon, was there a problem?" It was the pretty florist from two days ago. He looked tired.

"Yes- No- _Crap._ " Seungjoon isn't good at this. "Yes there was a problem but not with the flowers. They were gorgeous and everything I could've hoped for. They kinda met an unfortunate fate though. Anyway, that's not why I'm here." Seungjoon sauntered over to the counter and slammed his hands atop the wooden surface. It made the florist jump, looking up at Seungjoon with wide eyes. "How do I passive-aggressively say _‘fuck you’_ in flower?"

The florist looked stunned for a good few seconds. "Wow, you don't even know my name yet you're so mad at me."

"Hell yeah I know your name," Seungjoon declared. This was a lie. His eyes quickly darted around before they landed on a soft pink name tag. He daringly jabbed a finger at the florist's chest, _"Kim Hyojin."_

“You read my nametag, would you like a prize?”   


“No, I’d like you to help me make a bouquet of disappointment and unfathomable rage.”

Hyojin eyed him suspiciously and lifted a brow, "Did you try _'fuschia you'_?"

"No, I was trying to go for something more subtle, yet still conveys the message because why not give my boyfriend a gift that reminds him so much of me? Pretty but mean." Seungjoon was pretty sure Hyojin could feel him seething, anger rolling off of him in waves.

Hyojin waved his hands as if he were holding two objects. He wiggled the fingers on one side, "unfortunately, there are no flowers that specifically mean _'fuck you'_ or _'die in a hole'_ ," twirled his other wrist, "but I could string you up a bouquet of a few flowers that convey a similar vibe."

"Really? I thought you could send a bouquet to someone's doorstep with a particular message like _'let's meet at sundown, I have something important to tell you, bring the dog'_ ," Seungjoon's tone was defeated. Dreams? Crushed.

"Unfortunately, that’s not possible. Flowers generally tend to have dumb meanings like _‘love’_ or _‘promise’_ which makes it rather easy to wire up a handful of flowers for a date or confession yet telling someone that their loved one died is a bit more of a hassle that requires words or at least a tag on the bouquet," Hyojin explained.

“Disappointing. I don’t suppose you would wrangle me a bouquet of irritation and agitation with a pretty sparkly bow, could you?” 

With this, Hyojin escaped from behind the counter. "Absolutely." He quickly muted his enthusiasm with a nervous cough. “I mean, it wouldn’t be too hard with the variety of flowers we have in the shop.” He beckoned for Seungjoon to follow him as he guided him down the nearest aisle. “Unfortunately we don’t have a section of flowers allocated to those with negative connotations but having too much time on my hands has prepared me for this moment.”  
  
  
Seungjoon timidly followed the florist as he moved down the aisle, crutches clacking against the floor. It made him feel bad to make the guy get up, but Hyojin seemed unbothered, so he kept quiet.

Plucking a few bright red clusters of flowers, Hyojin handed them to Seungjoon. “Geraniums. Stupidity.”  
  
  
A tall mass of small lilac bells was shoved in Seungjoon's face, causing him to blink stupidly before grasping the stems. “Foxglove. Insincerity.”   
  
  
At the end of the first aisle they reached a bunch of stems with what almost appeared to be clouds gathered on them, Hyojin gently passing a few of the stems to Seungjoon who’s eyes lightly trailed his every movement. “Meadowsweet. Uselessness.” He paused for a second, “What’s your name anyway?”  
  
  
“Lee Seungjoon.” 

Hyojin handed him some beautifully bright yellow flowers. “Well, Seungjoon, these are yellow carnations, they mean _‘you have disappointed me.’”_  


There was only a soft hum as Hyojin walked Seungjoon to the front window of the store, passing him a few large, vibrant orange flowers.   


“Hibiscus?” Seungjoon questioned softly, almost as if he were afraid of breaking the silence between them.  


“Good guess but they’re orange lilies. The star of the show to deliver a powerful punch of hatred. Hibiscus is beauty, I’d rather give you a few hibiscuses than to someone I hated, but to each their own.” 

Seungjoon choked on air.   


The two of them retreated to the counter to arrange the bouquet and finalise its presentation.  


“So, why are you dumping your boyfriend anyway? Or is it none of my business?” Hyojin inquired as he nudged the display of ribbons towards Seungjoon, imploring him to pick something for his bouquet of premeditated rage.   


Seungjoon slid back a sparkly purple roll. “I caught him cheating. You know, the usual when you think someone could love you after everything.” 

Bad idea. Terrible idea. Hyojin shifted uncomfortably and bit his lip, speeding up in his assembly. Good fucking job, Seungjoon, making things awkward. Ruining the few good things he had, like always. 

"I've made things awkward, haven't I?" Seungjoon asked even though he knew the answer. 

"No, it's fine." That didn't erase the tense atmosphere, though. Hyojin told him the total. Maybe flowers are a bit of a more expensive way to end a relationship. 

Hyojin took the bill with a small smile. "Kick him where it hurts for me, will you?" Coins clinked as they were dropped into Seungjoon's open palm.

Taking the bouquet in hand, Seungjoon thanked Hyojin.

"Have a good day! I hope you don't come back for more angry flowers anytime soon."

"I hope so too!" Seungjoon called as he opened the shop's door, bell chiming as he grinned. 

🌙

Seungjoon didn't have time to blink before there was a fist colliding with his face. The same fingers he had held countless times, a hand he would trace hearts on the back of, a promise ring to his nose. 

It was moments like these that all Seungjoon could think to do was laugh, a dry, disbelieving chuckle as he stared into those familiar eyes incredulously.

There was no more tenderness in the way Chansik touched him, only anger and fire. The hands that would cradle his jaw as they kissed until both of them forgot what it meant to breathe now gripped his shoulders so hard, he knew they would bruise in near-perfect silhouettes of palm and finger. With the rapidly growing heat of Chansik's hands, they would almost definitely scar. The fire got the better of Chansik before, but somehow, it felt purposeful this time.

_"I loved you!"_ Chansik yelled. It was a lie. Seungjoon recognised that now. He understood the painful sensation that constricted his chest. Betrayal. Heartbreak. You name it.

Chansik's hands were still wrapped around Seungjoon's shoulders, and they were searing now. The disgusting smell of his sleeves burning made him gag but the fire continued, Seungjoon just whimpered pathetically and hoped that Chansik would let go soon.

Wherever the bouquet had landed after Chansik slapped it out of his hand was lost to Seungjoon. He was pretty sure that he tripped over it at some point. He'd have to apologise to Hyojin next time he passed the florists. 

Seungjoon choked on his feelings but still shouted back, "No you didn't, and I have a hard time believing you ever did!"

"I did. I loved you so much. I thought we were going to get married." Chansik shoved him until his back hit the wall. _"But it's so hard to love someone like you!"_

There it was — the golden ticket — the reason he'd been hurt so many times before. But this time it stung more than all the previous times collectively.

It'd been two years; they were going to move in together in six weeks, Seungjoon had helped Chansik pack half of his stuff, a week ago, Chansik's fingers had carded through Seungjoon's hair, they talked about a distant future where they were happy together.

But it all fell apart then and there. The pieces of Seungjoon's heart that Chansik had helped him put back together were being torn back to their destruction by the same hands that fixed them. 

So many times he'd been cast aside for his magic; the typical feared the abnormal. This time, Seungjoon had thought everything would work out, Chansik had his own magic, firey tricks that lit candles when they couldn't find the box of matches. How could he have been so stupid?

Chansik yanked up the edge of Seungjoon's shirt, exposing the dark moon that curved around the left side of his ribcage, and he sneered.

_"No one could ever truly love this."_

He'd learnt that.

_"You're disgusting."_

He'd begun to believe this after the years.

_"A dangerous monster."_

Seungjoon felt that at this moment, Chansik was more dangerous than he could ever be.

And with that, Chansik disappeared, and the strength left Seungjoon's legs. He sunk to the floor, dams breaking and tears flowing down his face. The cut on his nose stung. His shoulders burned. He was just so dizzy, and the hard concrete seemed very inviting.

🌙

With a trembling hand, Seungjoon rung the doorbell. It was late, he knew that, but he didn't know where else he could go. 

"What the fuck's your problem?" Minkyun's blond hair was in a mess atop his head, and his checkered pyjama pants hung loosely off of his thin frame. Seungjoon let out a single broken sob.

"Joon? Shit, what happened to you?" Minkyun took his hand and led him inside.

"Chansik and I-" Seungjoon took a shaky breath. " _-We fought._ "

Minkyun eased Seungjoon into one of the dining room chairs. "It's none of my business, but this doesn't look like one of your average fights. He hurt you, bud."

Seungjoon just cried harder. "He was cheating on me, so we fought. He hurt me, and he left. I passed out in the street, and I didn't know where I should go." 

Despite Seungjoon's whines, Minkyun had a pair of scissors and was cutting away Seungjoon's shirt. It was ruined anyway. There were cold, damp cloths pressed against Seungjoon's burns and a hand resting in his hair. "I'm happy you came to me, but we should probably take you to the hospital."

"Please," Seungjoon cried, "no hospital."

"I can't make you go, but these burns are pretty bad."

"Minseokie?" Seungjoon tried, desperate to not have a hospital visit.

"He's at a school camp," Minseok explained, retrieving a little green box out from under the sink. "No magical healer to fix all your problems, just old-fashioned medical care."

"Doctor Gentle Hands," Seungjoon grinned stupidly as Minkyun began dabbing a cotton swab at the cut on his nose. As adrenaline and anxiety filtered their way out of his body, Seungjoon just found himself tired.

"Thank you, dork." Minkyun wiped away the dried up bloody nose. "You're lucky he didn't break your nose. I'll break him."

"Only if I can watch you beat his ass." Seungjoon tilted his head back to look at the ceiling. "And that carrot top fucker, honestly."

"Trust me; you'll get front-row seats." Seungjoon winced as Minkyun peeled the cloths away from his burns. Why couldn't Chansik have had nice powers? Like bubble manipulation. Pyrokinesis hurts.

Minkyun then did something that made Seungjoon's shoulders hurt a lot less. Probably a potion. Definitely magical. Seungjoon groaned maybe a little too loudly at the absence of intense pain.

"That good, huh? Your arms are pretty bad, but I'll be able to keep you comfortable while they heal." Minkyun stretched out one of Seungjoon's arms and began dressing the wound, winding a bandage around the appendage. "Your aversion to hospitals wounds me. I'm just trying to get you fixed, you imbecile."

"Doctor Gentle Hands always does the best job though," Seungjoon protested. Minkyun rolled his eyes, moving on to dressing the other shoulder.

"I pity the fool who has to deal with you getting stabbed or something. _'You need to go to the hospital,' 'No only Doctor Gentle Hands,'_ and I'm going to be in the Bahamas drinking cocktails and having a good time."

"Then I'll have to die."

Minkyun's expression darkened. "Don't joke about that."

With that, he ducked out of the room, and Seungjoon was left alone. So he sat there, in the only lit portion of Minkyun's house, shirtless and shivering. 

The place had a different energy at night. Seungjoon glanced over to the clock that hung above the sink, the glowing numbers of _1:43_ seemingly mocked him for being a terrible friend. Without Jaeyoung draped over the counter, asking Minkyun for attention, Minkyun bustling about in the kitchen or Minseok glued to someone's side, the room now felt so empty. Seungjoon sat alone, and the shadows seemed to taunt him as they crept closer, reaching for his feet which he childishly pulled up onto the chair with him.

"Joon?" Minkyun's voice interrupted his thoughts, and he looked over to the younger man in the doorway. Even though Minkyun was younger than him, he never failed to take care of Seungjoon when the elder was hurt or upset. It was his compassion that made him such a good friend and an excellent doctor.

"Yeah?" Seungjoon replied, trying to appear as calm as possible.

Minkyun held out some folded clothes. "They're Jaeyoung's so they'll probably be looser and less annoying with the bandages for now. There's a jacket of his too since as per usual, you're going to decline the offer to sleep on the air mattress, and walk home."

"Damn right I am." Seungjoon slowly but surely got the loose tank top over his head and his arms through the low-cut armholes that he thanked the heavens for. It hung off of him like he was wearing a pillowcase but it was better than being shirtless. 

"Take it easy, okay?" Minkyun helped Seungjoon shrug on the thick black jacket. "Call me if you need anything."

"Will do, Doctor Gentle Hands."

🌙

Seungjoon ended up waiting around at Minkyun's for a while since it started raining really hard. Minkyun just went back to bed after telling Seungjoon to make sure the door was locked when he left. 

Upon being only a few strides away from his front door, Seungjoon's footsteps slowed. There was someone curled up in a ball underneath the window. They were soaked and shaking. 

Seungjoon had intended on telling whoever it was to piss off since he was entirely ready to sleep, but his angry words died in his throat at the sight of the boy's face. He couldn't have been older than his teens, face red and most likely had tears mixing with the rain running down his face as he tugged anxiously at the thin shirt clinging to his small frame. Sighing, Seungjoon's cold expression fell to one of concern.

_"Come in,"_ He offered gently, motioning for the boy to enter with him. He couldn't be much older than Minseok, and it hurt to see someone so young standing alone in the rain looking either for his help or just shelter. The boy edged his way inside, and Seungjoon noted the way that he was shaking like a tree in a storm even if he was making puddles on Seungjoon's floor with every step. "Sit down; I'll make some tea."

The boy wearily sat at Seungjoon's table, glancing around the room almost as if he was looking for any potential threats. Seungjoon made sure to scurry to the kitchen and quickly start boiling water for their tea, it was freezing outside and considering how violently his guest was shivering, he could use something warm. "Do you have any flavour of tea you prefer?" Seungjoon called only to receive silence as his response. 

Returning with two mugs of steaming peppermint tea, Seungjoon saw that the boy had barely shifted from the position Seungjoon had left him in, but instead of looking around he was staring at Seungjoon's crystal ball with a look that Seungjoon could only describe as desperation. He didn't look up when the mug was set in front of him but muttered a barely audible _'thank you'_ and moved to hold onto it. Seungjoon sat across from the stranger and lifted his mug to his lips, taking a sip before setting it to the side. "Are you alright?"

It was silent for a few moments as his guest sobbed, sounding like a distressed child, it clawed at Seungjoon's heart.

"Am I going to hurt anyone with my powers?" The kid asked in a small voice, each syllable shaking as if it were a task to push it past his lips. Seungjoon often had young wizards coming in and asking him questions, but he had never been asked about the potential danger in such a way. He was scared. Cautiously, Seungjoon tapped on his crystal ball, wincing at the tugging on his shoulder, allowing for the visions in his head to be sorted through and displayed in front of his eyes. 

With clenched teeth, Seungjoon's eyes glazed over as he saw fragments of a future. He saw worried hands pressed against sweaty foreheads which he brushed off, roses with yellow petals which he too swiped away. A body being pulled from the water by people with faces he couldn't quite make out, inaudible shouting and waving arms beckoning for help which made Seungjoon's breath catch in his throat. He saw blood, so much blood, whether it be the dripping of a bloody nose or an accidental cut while preparing dinner the scarlet liquid was never a fun sight. Especially when he saw it turning sand crimson, waves lapping gently over knees buried deep. There were screams and shouts, and if not for Seungjoon's excellent professional mask, the boy would see the way he struggled to breathe.

Seungjoon looked up to meet the worried and teary eyes of the boy in front of him, and he mustered up all of his courage and previous experience to hopefully ease his conscience. His lips pulled into a smile that felt fake but apparently didn't look so by the way the tension in the boy's shoulders eased.

"No, you'll be okay," Seungjoon told him, reaching around his crystal ball that was unnecessarily wide to grab one of the frozen hands of his visitor, "Why don't you stay here? At least for the night, I don't feel okay with you going back outside at this time. What's your name anyway? I'm Seungjoon."

"Yuto," he replied, pulling his free hand to his chest, still shaking from the cold. Seungjoon was sure that he would get sick at this rate before he slid from the room yet again, retrieving some spare clothes of his to replace the ones that were soaked beyond wearability. Yuto looked perplexed by the folded clothes sat in front of him. 

"They might be a bit big on you, but they'll be better than staying in those wet clothes, you can sleep in my bed," Seungjoon said before leaving the room to grab blankets to set himself up in his spare bedroom. 

After making sure the lost teen was changed into warmer clothes, Seungjoon guided him to his room, telling him to get some sleep and that he'd be down the hall if Yuto needed him before leaving to the bare and cold guest room to sleep himself. He avoided checking the time on his watch, dreading how late he was going to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favourite chapter!! 4.5k of "i love seungjoon why do i keep hurting him."  
> The fic peaks here I love this chapter too much.   
> "156" - my cat when she was put on my keyboard by my brother


	7. SOLIVAGANT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [adj] walking alone
> 
> or
> 
> Yuto ran away from his problems, now what?

_He left not knowing where he'd go._

Yuto waited for the sound of Changyoon settling down on the couch with Hyojin before throwing off the covers and creeping across the room. He was careful to step lightly and slowly as not to make any noise. 

Unlatching the window and pushing it open, Yuto was met with the night air that seemingly blew right through him, chilling him to the bone. Regardless, he slid through the open window and out into a few foot drop into some bushes. As he tumbled and collected a fair share of leaves in his clothes, he was already making his way away from Changyoon's house.

The wind was brisk and threw Yuto around like a ragdoll whenever it picked up. He felt exposed as he walked along the streets in just a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, the weather cutting right through it. 

Pathetically, Yuto whined and wrapped his arms around his torso, hoping to preserve some heat as he wandered. He had no destination in mind, he didn't know where he could go. 

He couldn't go home. The very thought of it made him sick, the same place that he killed Jinyoung was not one that he had any desire to revisit. There was no home for him other than there though.

He couldn't go to the cafe. Firstly, it would be closed. Secondly, even if he waited on the street until it opened at dawn as the sun painted the sky brilliant hues of pink and orange; what would happen other than Changyoon finding him there? 

He couldn't go to work. No one would be there. He still had his key tucked in his back pocket so he could get in but his boss would have his head on a stick upon daybreak. You can't exactly just pick up a shift after disappearing off of the face of the earth for a day, only to show up in days old clothes and acting like nothing happened. Yuto wished that nothing happened.

He couldn't go to Jaeyoung's. Aside from the fact that he didn't even know where Jaeyoung lived in the first place, he was just a coworker and inconveniencing Jaeyoung, and his family was the exact opposite of what Yuto wanted to be doing.

He could go back to Changyoon's. Slip in the window as if nothing happened and never tell Changyoon. But he felt that he had already begun to impose on his and Hyojin's lives by being yet another problem that they had to solve. And so he left. 

It was times like these that Yuto regretted not listening to Jinyoung when the elder tried to get him to make friends in his adult life. At least then he'd have someone to rely on and somewhere to go for now. 

But alas, he was all alone for now. 

It might have been the ever-growing loneliness or just the rumbling in his stomach that drove Yuto to the nearest ramen shop. It was basked in warm red and orange lights and was still bustling with customers despite the late hour. Stepping inside, Yuto almost melted into the warmth, it was such a drastic contrast of the outside temperature that it made Yuto's fingers sting. 

A cashier dressed entirely in black with a white stripe running down the side of his shirt looked up as the door opened and he waved at Yuto. 

"Welcome to Flower Ramen! How can I help you?" this cashier's overwhelming energy caught Yuto off-guard, but he returned the smile, albeit half-heartedly, and walked over to the counter. The atmosphere of the restaurant was very comfortable, and Yuto didn't feel out of place despite his shabby appearance. He was eternally thankful for the fact that he still had his wallet in his pocket. Even if his phone was long dead, money is handy.

Yuto settled on the first flavour he saw on the overhanging menu. "A pork ramen, please."

"Sure thing."

The cashier smiled as he told Yuto the price and took his money with a radiant "thank you."

"You look like you've had a rough day."

"Yeah, you could say that. Although I'd say, it's been a rough few days." Something in Yuto felt comfortable talking to this stranger, almost as if they were old friends or companions in another life. 

"Oh? I can lend an ear if you'd like."

"Actually, that'd be nice." The cashier almost seemed to read Yuto like a book, what he needed was to just get things off of his chest because they were weighing down on him and with every passing second it grew harder and harder to breathe underneath the weight.

"I could take my break when your food is ready."

So Yuto waited patiently for his food. It only took a short while before the cashier had a steaming bowl of ramen on a tray and was guiding Yuto to a booth near the front window of the restaurant. 

Nestling into the booth with a huff, the cashier smiled at Yuto again. He did that a lot, it was nice to have someone looking at him with something other than pity or concern.

"My name is Junhoe by the way." 

"Yuto." 

"Is that a foreign name? It doesn't sound very Korean."

Yuto adverted his gaze, instead deciding to give his bowl of ramen more attention. "I'm from Japan."

Laughing, Junhoe ran a hand through his pale ginger hair. "That's cool. Your Korean is excellent."

"Thank you," Yuto mumbled, still staring down at his ramen. 

"So what's happened in the past couple of days. You look like a rain cloud is hanging above your head." Suddenly, he didn't feel very hungry.

"I got shot two days ago," Yuto said, hurriedly shoving some noodles in his mouth to avoid saying anything else.

"Jeez, that's rough. You're alright now though?"

Yuto was caught off guard. Junhoe seemed genuinely concerned, yet he didn't look at Yuto with pity. Instead, the cashier's eyes were warm and comforting as they focused on Yuto.

"So you've been dealing with recuperating? Must be tough."

"And someone close to me died." Yuto swallowed, his mouth was uncomfortably dry. It felt as if he was swallowing sand; dry and scratchy as it clung to his tongue and throat. His voice sounded unnatural to his own ears. "Last night." 

"Oh, Yuto, I'm sorry for your loss." 

"Thank you. You're very kind."

"How did it happen?" Junhoe pressed, taking a timid sip of his water.

"I'd rather not talk about that." For now, no one needed to know of his magic. Not even the ever-friendly Junhoe. So far it had only led to bad things. That and the fact that he was not quite ready to fess up to the fact that it was his own lapse in control that led to Jinyoung's death. He was afraid of the truth regardless of how aware of it he was. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overstep my boundaries."

"It's okay." 

"I think you just needed someone to listen." Junhoe wasn't wrong. In the short while Yuto had known him, he never seemed to be wrong.

And so he talked. Yuto talked about how he no longer had a home to return to, how he didn't know where he was going to go when his bowl was empty and how he was just relishing in company and warmth for the time being. Throughout this, he spared many details, yet Junhoe never pressed further, just nodding along and offering his sympathy.

"You know, you could always stay at my place for the night." Yuto looked up at Junhoe at this statement, confused. Firstly, they were strangers. Secondly, Junhoe could be a murderer. Thirdly, Yuto could be a murderer.

Tugging his lip between his teeth, Yuto exhaled. "Thank you for the offer, but I'd rather not impose."

"You wouldn't be imposing, I'm happy to help."

"No thanks. I'd best be on my way." Something was urging Yuto out of the restaurant now, a pulling sensation drawing him towards the door now. The inviting warmth was now scorching. The pleasant babbling, deafening. He left his dish barely touched and a multitude of curious and questioning glances followed him.

The bell above the door jingled when he yanked it open, all but throwing himself outside and into the biting cold. Taking a deep breath, the taste of the air was sweet on his tongue, cold like mint with a water chaser. Not even sparing a glance back into the large front windows of the restaurant, Yuto continued down the street with a brisk pace, digging his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

Junhoe's friendly smile and warm words intended to be comforting but all they had done was lull Yuto into a sense of comfort before it hit him like a truck. He couldn't run away from hurting Jinyoung only to hurt Junhoe. 

Away from the warmth and kind eyes, Yuto broke. Everything that he'd been trying to distance himself from came crashing down like a roof supported only by a twig. The twig snapped and the roof crumbled to the floor. Tears were streaming down Yuto's face now, but he couldn't bring himself to care enough to wipe them away. 

🌙

Aimless wandering drew Yuto to a sickeningly familiar street. As soon as he was a few houses away, he realised where he was, the trimmed hedges and newspapers sticking out of the rusty mailbox. A few more properties along he'd be at his home. Or what used to be it.

His feet turned to lead weights, settling heavily on the footpath. Even if he tried to lift his feet, they wouldn't budge. As if his veins had frozen, Yuto stilled. He'd been walking all night, his body was exhausted, and he wanted nothing more than to lie in a ditch somewhere and sleep; preferably forever. 

Changyoon stepped out of his front door, there was still a fair distance between them, but it was unmistakably him, running a hand through his dark hair as he brought a phone to his ear. The elder's eyebrows were pulled together in what Yuto assumed was a frown or a scowl. Probably looking for him. 

When Changyoon spun in a circle, talking to someone energetically on the other line, gesticulating with his free hand in large gestures. The weight left Yuto's body and his veins thawed, prompting him to duck behind a bush before Changyoon's sight quickly reached him. A scraggly kid with snow-white hair and the same clothes he'd been wearing for the past two days would definitely have been a dead giveaway. 

He couldn't afford to be seen. Yuto didn't know where he was going to end up, but at this point in time, the last thing he wanted was to have the people he cared about endangered because he couldn't control his powers. He wanted to run past the few properties separating them and cling to Changyoon's shirt and relish in the elder's comforts, but the snake of guilt that twisted and writhed in his chest kept him rooted to the spot. He couldn't hurt Changyoon like he hurt Jinyoung. 

So he stayed there. 

He crouched behind the bush even as his legs ached from the constant position, peering through the leaves as Changyoon stalked around his old front yard. It was too risky to move from his hiding spot. If Changyoon decided to go back inside, he'd be able to make his escape, but as Changyoon's gaze kept flickering to the street, he wouldn't dare move. 

But Changyoon was looking for him. He still cared. To Yuto it was absurd, why would he bother to try and help Yuto after everything. A loose screw, a basket case, that's all he was. Being close to Yuto would only put both Changyoon and Hyojin in danger; that's why he had to distance himself from them.

"Why won't he leave already?" Yuto whispered, still watching Changyoon pace. The elder was talking avidly and seemed to be growing more agitated. Yuto wondered who he could be talking to, whoever it was, it couldn't be good.

He waited, crouching behind the bush until his legs went numb and his eyelids began to feel weighted. 

Blinking himself back into alertness, Yuto realised that Changyoon was gone now. So he stood after an indiscernible amount of time he'd spent hiding there, cringing at the way his joints cracked in protest.

He turned and started on his way back where he had come. Yuto couldn't move any closer to his old home, an uneasy feeling settling in his stomach at the very thought. Everything made him feel sick. The idea of going home. The idea of not going home. The idea of no longer having a home to return to.

Regardless, Yuto held his head high in a display of faux-confidence as he trudged down the street. It was a relatively quiet street, so he needed not to worry about the gazes that strangers cast upon him.

He was lost. But if you looked at him from a distance you would have never guessed him to be such, he walked with purpose and a calm expression. Upon closer inspection, his eyes were rimmed with red, and his lips were raw from anxiously tugging at it with his teeth. If you looked too closely, you'd see how he was falling apart at the seams as he ventured without a destination in mind.

🌙

It was night again. Darkness fell as the sun sank below the horizon, the shadows growing until they consumed everything other than the stray lit window and the flickering streetlights. Rain began to fall from the sky not long ago, the few people who would've been out on the streets now absent as they hid from the downpour. 

The emptiness seemed to stretch on forever. The pouring rain drowned the sound of Yuto's footsteps. It was isolating. His bare feet we undoubtedly covered in cuts and scrapes by now, maybe he should've thought to grab his shoes on his way out, but it was too late for that now. 

Even if he wanted to, he wouldn't even know how to get back to Changyoon's place. He'd been lost for a few days now. 

Every street was beginning to look the same as he wandered an endless maze, unsure of whether or not he was seeking the exit.

Exhaustion dawned on him, he'd been skillfully ignoring the weight in his bones that continued to drag him down. He couldn't sleep. He hadn't slept. Every time he blinked too slowly and his eyelids lingered shut for just a moment too long, the images of Jinyoung's prone form would consume him.

So stubbornly, he stayed awake. 

Maybe if he walked long enough, he'd walk until he disappeared, whisked away like smoke in the wind. Dissipating into nothingness before your eyes. Jinyoung wasn't there to save him anymore. 

What was the point anymore? 

He'd ruined the life he'd had. Killed the closest thing he had to a father. Run away from the people who tried to help him. By now, he'd have lost his job; employers do not take kindly to disappearing off of the face of the earth for days. 

Eventually, he'd wandered up to a still lively sheltered area. It was mostly populated by smokers hiding from the rain and eccentric old ladies who reeked of incense. 

"Sweetheart, you've gotten a little wet," one lady cooed, handkerchief in her hair and large hoops dangling from her ears. She pulled Yuto closer and wrapped a thin, scraggly shawl around his shoulders before giving him an unusually affectionate squeeze. "What's got you out in this weather?"

Yuto was at a loss for words. Cold nights, harsh rain and blinding heat left his brain feeling as if it had been fed through a blender. His tongue fished around his mouth for words as the lady looked at him expectantly. 

"I ran away from home." It wasn't the truth, but it wasn't a lie either. Technically, he hadn't run away from home, he'd instead run away from Changyoon. A stinging sensation tugged at his heart as the realisation that he'd run away from his whole life dawned on him.

Squeezing him again, the old lady patted his head like she would a puppy. His hair was unwashed and greasy, but she didn't seem to notice, and if she did, she ignored it. Her comforting gestures were something that Yuto had unknowingly craved, and now he melted into the touch. "You're a young one. I hope you find your way home soon or make a home somewhere else."

"Thank you," Yuto mumbled, head dipped in embarrassment. He was just some kid off of the street, yet this woman was treating him like her own grandson. 

"You should go and see a fortune teller I visit often. He's very reliable."

Fortune tellers weren't unheard of, but they were rarely actually capable of magic and even then charged a hefty price. There was no way Yuto could spare the money he had left on a potential scam. 

"Ah, I don't think I could afford a fortune teller," Yuto reasoned, shrugging out of the lady's hold. 

"Nonsense. Here, I'll give you the money." She pressed a crumpled bill into the palm of Yuto's hand. He just looked at it as if it were a three-headed rat.

"I can't accept this."

But the lady was already ushering him away. "Yes, you can. He's down at the other end of town, if you walk along the street of the movie theatre you'll find him. There's a big neon sign in the window. You can't miss it."

What was the harm in finding out his fortune? 

And so he finally walked with a destination in mind.

🌙

The rain poured relentlessly, bullets made of water assaulting Yuto as he trudged along the street he'd been told to. It was cold, Yuto couldn't remember when he started shivering as it seemed to have been constant over the past few days. He regretted leaving Changyoon's house with only the clothes on his back since they didn't provide very useful when trying to maintain heat. 

He'd passed the cinema long ago, still striding along the same street and looking out for any windows with neon signs. 

So far, he'd had not a single shred of luck.

Everyone's lights were out, and the street only had the stray streetlight to illuminate the footpath. They were few and far between, leaving Yuto plunged in darkness for most of his wandering. 

Maybe the old lady had sent him on a wild goose chase. He still grasped the crumpled bill tightly in his hand; the curiosity about this fortune teller was now flooding his mind. 

But the lady had been too warm and comforting to Yuto that he refused to linger on the thought that this was just a trick. He'd craved the warm touch of someone else for so many days of only knowing the biting chill of empty air. She'd given it to him and filled him with a renewed sense of purpose after he'd given up on himself.

It seemed like an eternity before a pink glow was cast upon Yuto. The neon sign in the shape of an eye hanging in the window lit up the night with a rose fog and a sign hanging below it reading 'fortune telling' told Yuto that he was where he needed to be. 

Unfortunately, there was also the 'closed' sign hanging in the door's window. 

Fair enough. It was probably long past closing hours, not that Yuto knew what the time was anymore, and the fortune teller was likely sleeping. 

But Yuto didn't have anywhere else he needed to go. So he sank to the ground and crouched on the wet footpath and decided to wait for dawn in the pouring rain.

What he wasn't expecting though, was the soft voice that broke the silence when his eyelids threatened to close.

"Come in."

Yuto glanced up from the concrete to see who he assumed to be the fortune teller standing a few steps away, also drenched and looking less than professional in an oversized jacket and tank top, motioning for Yuto to enter the shop with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ';///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////' - custard (my cat)
> 
> merry christmas to everyone who celebrates it!! happy holidays to everyone else!!! 
> 
> i might miss the friday update/drop to one update a week because ya boy has writers block and its torture (pray for me)


	8. DESIDERATUM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [n] something wanted or needed.
> 
> or
> 
> Changyoon wants to know that Yuto is safe. Seungjoon has always needed some company.

Changyoon cursed as his fingers fumbled to answer his phone that was now ringing in his hand. He'd been making calls since he found out that Yuto was missing. Despite the chaos wrought upon his home upon that discovery, Changyoon had left for work, still calling Yuto's phone periodically throughout the night. It'd been two days of silence from Yuto, they'd heard nothing. Changyoon had still been going to work, but made sure that Hyojin was at home whenever he was away, in case Yuto showed up. Getting punched and also dragged to Jaeyoung's house wasn't really part of the plan but it was okay, he was home now, and his phone was ringing after hours of silence.

"Hello? Yuto?" Changyoon asked, putting the call onto speaker so that Hyojin who was sitting forlornly at the table and pushing cereal around his bowl could hear.

"No, it's his coworker," A deep voice resonated from the phone. "I heard your voicemail and wanted to tell you that he hasn't been in for work for the past few days, but that I'll be sure to call you if I see him."

Changyoon sighed, but he was grateful. "Thank you."

"No problem. Let me know if Yuto shows up on your end. He's a worry, that kid." And with that, the deep voice was gone.

It was hard. Changyoon wanted good news, of course, he did. But he couldn't find it in himself to be disappointed at the lack of it because no good news was better than bad news. When his phone rang, the cheesy girl group song with bland but memorable lyrics would fill the air, and it could mean one of three things. Good news, bad news, or a telemarketer trying to convince him to join something he didn't care enough about. 

"He'll show up eventually," Hyojin offered, still swirling his spoon in the bowl; the cereal was most definitely soggy by now. They were both too anxious to eat, it had taken Changyoon a ridiculous amount of bribery and threatening to get Hyojin actually to sleep for the last few nights. It reminded Changyoon of what he was like when Hyojin was still in the hospital. The house felt so empty for the few hours he'd spent there to sleep or to lie awake for hours with anxiety consuming his senses.

"I know. I'm just worried about when and how. If he shows up as a headline in the newspaper, I don't think I could live with myself." 

"He'll be okay, Yoon." There was something about Hyojin that had changed. If you gave Changyoon a dictionary and a million years, he still wouldn't be able to put it into words. Despite how Changyoon had stepped into the role of taking care of Hyojin, there was something more mature and caring about how Hyojin spoke to Changyoon when he was upset. Maybe it was rooted deep in their years of closeness, perhaps it stemmed from pain and tip-toeing around each other. 

Tucking his phone back into the pocket of his jeans, Changyoon wandered out to the table where Hyojin still sat. Hyojin looked younger like this, black hair in disarray atop his head and hanging in his warm eyes and childishly pouting because he was being forced to eat cornflakes until Changyoon had the time to go grocery shopping. If Changyoon couldn't still see the scar running from Hyojin's hairline to his cheekbone, the brace on his wrist and the mockingly yellow cast, he could've sworn Hyojin looked the same as they did when they first met, Hyojin running headfirst into Changyoon and spilling tea all over him. It was picturesque, something out of a cliché romance drama. 

But that wasn't their life anymore. They'll never return to that stage again. 

"I hope you're right." And that was the moment Changyoon knew that Hyojin had keyed into his sullen mood and the more there was to it. Curse the stars that the elder could read him like the neon sign hanging in the window of the café. 

"Trust me." Hyojin had paused in his mindless stirring. 

Changyoon quickly scrambled, grabbing for his jacket and sliding his arms into it as he twirled and stumbled towards the front door. "I can't be late for work! Call me if Yuto shows up."

Closing the door behind him, Changyoon let out a sigh of relief. Hyojin could save that interrogation for another day when they had time and Yuto wasn't god-knows-where.

☀

"You look like shit," Seungwook said as soon as Changyoon joined him behind the counter. Even though Seungwook could be a brat sometimes, Changyoon still preferred him to other coworkers. 

"Thanks. My life is in shambles, and I forgot how to sleep."

"Ahh... That sucks." Seungwook turned back to the coffee he was making. 

Changyoon's fingers fumbled for something to do, settling on making a coffee of his own. No one had ordered it because the cafe was almost empty, but Changyoon needed it. "It does."

The smell of coffee had become a comfort, and the familiar routine of making a steaming cup of caffeine momentarily drew Changyoon's mind away from the chaos. 

Soon enough, Changyoon found himself lost in his work, tending to orders from customers and not thinking about Yuto or Hyojin or anything. There was no loud, grating music of the club or the screaming silence of his apartment; it was the furthest he could get from his problems.

The fact that there was a caramel macchiato tucked behind the counter, gradually growing colder as it waited for Yuto, is irrelevant. 

As time passed with each tick of the clock hanging overhead, Changyoon felt the anxiety in his chest grow, and his fingers begin to twitch as if his unease was electrocuting them. Distractions only worked for so long; he'd discovered this with Hyojin. It just hit again like it did when he first opened the door, it made his stomach churn, and he felt sick. He was shaking now, like a thin tree in a hurricane. The wind shook him, and he no longer had balance, teetering dangerously on flat ground as if he was in an earthquake. Yet all he could think about was Yuto and how he didn't know where the younger boy was. The activity of the cafe faded to a buzzing in his ears.

He didn't notice the mug slipping from his grasp until it shattered at his feet. Even then, all he could do was stare at it blankly, his mind far away from the coffee seeping into his socks and spreading across the floor.

"Changyoon?" There was an arm wrapped around his shoulders and a soft voice in his ear. "Come on, let's go sit you down."

Changyoon hated the gentle way in which Seungwook was treating him. The softness in Hyojin's eyes when he looked at Changyoon. It made him feel like a baby in need of being coddled and taken care of. They were all just waiting for him to fall apart at this point. It was no surprise that Seungwook was ready for it. He'd probably been expecting it all morning.

He could see Seungwook smiling at customers and apologising as he carefully guided Changyoon to the break room. He missed the concerned looks as he tripped over his own feet like a newborn deer, Seungwook still keeping a firm hold on him.

Yuto was gone. He could be anywhere. He could be hurt. And Changyoon's just making coffee like everything's okay.

"Do you want me to call Hyojin?" Seungwook asked as he eased Changyoon onto the sofa. It was old and stiff, and it was almost exclusively used by Hyojin when he waited for Changyoon's shift to end. But it smelt like Hyojin's dumb tropical shampoo, and suddenly it became easier to breathe.

Changyoon just let out a shaky breath and buried his face between his knees. Seungwook was rustling around in Changyoon's bag for a few moments before it was quiet again.

He could hear the phone ringing and a sleepy voice filtered into the small room, "Yoon?"

"Hey, he's kinda out of it right now. Can you talk to him for a bit?" Seungwook said before leaving the break room, presumably to clean up Changyoon's mess and maintain customer satisfaction.

"Are you worried about Yuto? We'll find him, and he'll be okay."

He'll be okay. It had become a mantra in Changyoon's head, a broken record on repeat. He'd been trying to convince himself of it all night and all day, yet the words had become less of a comfort and more of a prayer for Yuto's safety as days passed.

He had to be okay, that's all there was to it. Yuto had to be okay because although Changyoon failed to look after him if Yuto was any less than okay it would ruin him much as Hyojin did. He was tired of failing to protect the people he loved.

🌙

Seungjoon woke to sunlight pouring through a gap in the blue, train-covered curtains. It illuminated the dust in the air, like a glittering galaxy hanging midair. This was probably the first time he'd used the spare bedroom for something other than storage since he first moved in. There were still boxes of CDs and books that he kept forgetting to unpack, stacked up in the corner of the room and dust collecting on nearly every surface. 

There was screaming coming from down the hallway, hurt and desperate shrieks that chilled Seungjoon to the bone. Quickly, he threw off the covers and moved towards the door. He was still wearing Jaeyoung's pillowcase of a shirt, bold of Minkyun to assume the shirt would ever leave Seungjoon's house. His shoulders had returned to their stinging, but it was much more bearable compared to last night. 

When he pushed the door open, the screams were louder, no longer muffled by wood. It's not the most enjoyable experience to hear screaming inside your house. Seungjoon just hoped Yuto was really scared of spiders and had an eight-legged friend hanging around on the ceiling. Spiders are a perfectly reasonable fear although screeching like the roof was collapsing might be a bit much.

But there was no spider. Just Yuto entangled in Seungjoon's sheets as he cried and whimpered. He was still asleep but his hands fisted in the blankets, and there was a sheen of sweat across his face as it contorted into a grimace. Now, Seungjoon isn't the best when it comes to comforting people. He lives alone; people aren't his forte. Their futures are. But, when you're Seungjoon, with a bleeding heart and a soft spot for puppy-eyed boys, you can't ignore Yuto crying because of a nightmare. Trust me, he tried. 

Carefully walking over to the edge of the bed, Seungjoon tried to wake the boy with a gentle "Yuto." but he just winced as the boy let out another scream. It sounded like Yuto was in agony as he writhed and whimpered.

Fuck it. Seungjoon reached for Yuto's shoulder and shook the boy gently. He was met with wide, wild eyes as Yuto woke with a gasp. His chest was heaving, and he scrambled away from Seungjoon's touch.

"Are you okay?" Seungjoon asked carefully. He watched Yuto as the boy pressed his back against the headboard, clutching one of Seungjoon's grey pillows to his chest and breathing heavily. He looked shaken, face void of colour.

"He's dead," Yuto croaked, tears beginning to flow down his cheeks. It caught Seungjoon off-guard, death wasn't really something he was expecting to confront with the stranger who stayed the night.

Maybe he shouldn't have pressed or continued to ask, but Seungjoon isn't the wisest man.

"Who?" Bad idea.

Yuto was hyperventilating now, eyes darting about as he panicked. His hands clenched the pillow until his knuckles were white, drawing it closer to himself as if he were trying to shrink. The boy's voice came out as a distorted croak, "I couldn't control it. I killed him."

It was only then that Seungjoon saw a crescent moon framing Yuto's thumb. Ah, dark magic. The most irrational and destructive powers. "Are you a necromancer?"

Yuto bit his lip and nodded, it was a small movement, but Seungjoon caught it. He seemed even more scared now as if he thought Seungjoon would grab him by the ear and drag him out of the house and back into the rain where he found him. But that was not the case, Seungjoon just rounded the bed, hands raised in surrender with his palms facing Yuto. 

"I'm not going to hurt you. Or kick you out," Seungjoon said, "I want to help you."

He reached for Yuto, sitting on the edge of the mattress and wrapping his arm around the boy's shoulders. Yuto melted into his touch, quickly burying his nose in the juncture between Seungjoon's neck and shoulder and heaving a sob. 

"Thank you," Yuto whispered. If Seungjoon weren't listening carefully, he would've missed it. Instead of replying, he just opted to wrap both arms around Yuto more tightly, ignoring the protesting tug in his shoulders. A hug is what Yuto needed right now.

They stayed like this for a while longer. Yuto clung to Jaeyoung's pillowcase shirt and cried into it, sniffling pathetically on occasion. The shirt was being soaked through by tears, definitely not in any state to be returned. 

"You know," Seungjoon started, still holding Yuto, "I saw glimpses of your future. And it'll be okay, we can make it okay together." Maybe he should ask before deciding to force himself into this kid's life. 

🌙

After Yuto had calmed down, which took a lot longer than Seungjoon had expected it too, not that he minded, they migrated downstairs and to the kitchen where Seungjoon began preparing a midday breakfast for the two of them.

Yuto was a lot less tense around Seungjoon now, opting to lean against the kitchen counter and watch Seungjoon prepare the most exquisite cuisine he had to offer; pop tarts.

Sometimes, fortune tellers whose services aren't cheap, are cheap themselves. And pop tarts are tasty, easy and quick to make. 

Popping said sugar-overloads into the toaster, Seungjoon turned only to come face-to-face with Yuto's worn expression. His eyes trailed over every surface as he fiddled with something in his hand that crinkled with every shift of Yuto's fingers. "Is something wrong?" 

"I never paid you." Yuto uncurled his fingers to reveal money. "You also let me spend the night here."

Seungjoon just rolled his eyes in his best 'I don't care' attitude before speaking. "Keep the money. It would've been wrong for me to turn away someone in need. Now you can buy yourself a jacket, maybe even enough common sense to not sit outside in the rain."

"I'm sorry," Yuto mumbled, fidgeting with the money again. His head was tilted to the floor, probably to avoid Seungjoon's gaze. He was pitiful. The desire to know more about what had happened to his boy itched at Seungjoon.

"Don’t be. You can stay here if you'd like," Seungjoon said, "It gets lonely here, and I don't know if you have anywhere else to go."

Yuto swallowed and brought his head up to face Seungjoon again, his eyes glistened with unshed tears. "I don't, but I can't impose on you like that."

"And you wouldn't be. I have a spare bedroom." Seungjoon accentuated his next point with a dramatic wave of the hand in Yuto's direction. "It needs some sprucing up, but it could be your room."

Yuto's next argument was derailed by Seungjoon's quick mouth. "Last night was the first time that anyone's slept in there since I moved in."

They both jumped at the toaster's sudden pop.

Sliding a pop tart on a plate across the counter, Seungjoon offered Yuto a lopsided smile. "Stay here for a bit at least. A week? Just to get back on your feet."

Yuto nodded as he bit into the pop tart before his stomach rumbled.

"When was the last time you ate anything?'

Yuto shrugged, "A couple of days."

Seungjoon placed his own pop tart on Yuto's plate. "We can go out for a proper meal soon."

Despite Yuto's clear apprehension towards the idea of even being stood in Seungjoon's kitchen right now, it was nice. Seungjoon was used to waking up to an empty house and being alone until customers started pouring in. Even then, it was strictly professional, and he usually saw the person's future before he knew their name. It was nice to not be alone for once. 

"Do you have a phone on you?" Seungjoon asked as he leant against the refrigerator, crossing his arms across his chest, eyeing Yuto who was fixated on his breakfast.

"I do. It's dead though." 

"Hand it over, I'll see if I can charge it for you." Seungjoon snatched the black phone from Yuto's hand in an instant. There was a huge spiderweb crack in one corner that stretched to the opposite, it wasn't the prettiest or most carefully cared for phone in the world. But it was one that Seungjoon had a charger for. "We're in business baby!" he cheered before disappearing into the living room. 

Yuto followed him almost silently. The boy was less of a person and more of a cat since Seungjoon turned around after triumphantly plugging in the phone only to leap out of his skin. Yuto was standing timidly in the middle of the room, pop tart still in hand.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, no louder than a mouse. 

"You don't need to apologise. You're just really quiet." Seungjoon perhaps overstepped his boundaries by tossing an arm around Yuto's shoulders and pulling him in closer. He felt the boy tense momentarily but practically melt into the affectionate gesture. "What do you want to get for lunch?"

Yuto hummed in thought as Seungjoon dragged him towards the staircase. "Japanese food?"

"Sure. I know this perfect place near where my best friend lives," Seungjoon babbled as they continued up the stairs. "I think you'll really like it." 

They wound up in Seungjoon's bedroom again, Yuto nervously standing in the middle of the room and watching Seungjoon rifle through his drawers. Apparently, Seungjoon had more clothes than he had thought, most being things that he hadn't worn in months. But alas, after a few minutes of messing up the folded clothes, he found an old shirt he bought as a loser teen trying to be edgy. He'd never even listened to the band that was on the shirt but he thought it had looked cool. It was too small for him now. 

"Heads up." He tossed the shirt in Yuto's direction. Yuto barely caught the cloth but let out a breathy laugh when he grasped it. All sunshine and rainbows he was when he was happy. 

"Escape the Fate?" Yuto read the shirt as he laid it out on the edge of Seungjoon's mattress.

"I never even listened to them. Some American band. It'll probably fit you," Seungjoon explained before beginning his search through another drawer. "You're smaller than me but you might fit into some of my jeans."

Seungjoon was wrong about this. The shirt was fine, maybe a little loose. But the jeans were much too long, they covered Yuto's feet. 

"I don't think so," Yuto amended with a little wave of his foot, the cuff of the jeans flopping about. 

"You can roll up the cuffs. Look like the edgy teen I could only ever dream to be."

Yuto rolled up the cuffs to his ankles and met Seungjoon's gaze with a soft smile. "Thank you, Seungjoon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AYEEE HAPPY 2019 TO YOU ALL!! I hope this year treats you well!!!
> 
> Also, rip to me i have not even finished chapter 9 or come close to doing so as I am posting this. I hope you enjoy nonetheless.


	9. CINGULOMANIA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [n] a strong desire to hold a person in your arms
> 
> or
> 
> Hyojin's worried about Changyoon.

Changyoon was pacing again. It had to have been the fourth time that day that he'd walked back and forth muttering to himself. It wasn't even lunchtime.

As Changyoon wore down the carpet, Hyojin's eyes followed him. 

"Sit down," he tried, sliding to one side of the couch and patting the cushion next to him. Changyoon didn't falter.

"I can't. Yuto's out there, and it's been four days." Changyoon whirled as if to emphasise his statement. "He could be dead, Hyojin."

"Wearing down our carpet isn't going to help him. Come here."

Finally, Changyoon stopped in his pacing a crossed the room. He plonked himself down heavily next to Hyojin who gave him a reassuring pat on the back.

"We've called the police. We've called all of the emergency rooms in four different cities. You went down to Yuto's work. You put up posters. His phone has been off for days. I'm not sure there's much more you can do." 

It was true, Changyoon had been working himself to the bone even before Yuto went missing. He'd been working two jobs a day, caring for Hyojin at every possible moment, and barely sleeping half as much as he needed to. Since he'd discovered that Yuto was missing, Changyoon hadn't slept. Unless of course, you were to count the times Changyoon involuntarily dozed off in the middle of tasks. 

Hyojin was fairly sure that Changyoon's blood had been replaced with coffee by now. 

Changyoon heaved a sigh, "I just feel like I should be doing more."

"You've never not done everything you possibly could for everyone else. Yuto is not wherever he is going 'Changyoon should've been on The News look for me by now'. Do something for yourself and rest," Hyojin chided.

Trembling, Changyoon curled into a ball and leant against Hyojin. The younger boy's skin was almost constantly freezing nowadays, likely attributed to the fact that his bed had been made two weeks ago and the covers remained undisturbed. Changyoon, on the rare occasions that he did sleep, usually slept on the couch or in Hyojin's bed. Sometimes on the floor, cuddling the rug. Hyojin has a few pictures in case of future blackmail needs.

"It's cold," Changyoon whined in an exaggerated effort to seem pathetic as he snuggled up to Hyojin's arm.

"It's the middle of summer, Yoon."

"That doesn't make me less cold." Changyoon was fiddling with the hem of Hyojin's sleeve, cheek pressed against the elder's shoulder.

Hyojin clicked his tongue. "If you took care of yourself you wouldn't be cold."

"I've been busy," Changyoon grumbled, latching onto Hyojin's bicep.

"So you have no one to blame but yourself. No more complaining," Hyojin declared as he dragged a blanket over Changyoon's shoulders, tucking the frayed and worn edge under his friend's chin.

"Thank you."

And so they stayed. Changyoon was out like a light, snoring lightly into Hyojin's shoulder. 

The dark circles under Changyoon's eyes could've been tattooed there, unmoving and refusing to fade. Instead, they just grew darker and darker as they enhanced the hollowness of his face, looking almost as if someone had broken Changyoon's nose. As he slept, he looked both years younger and decades older. Changyoon's face, free of tension and stress made him look like a child, yet this softness just brought attention to the dark circles that contrasted the round cheeks and smooth features.

In his sleep, Changyoon nuzzled further into Hyojin's chest, arms winding around the elder's waist. It took all of Hyojin's self-control to not coo at the tiny squeaking noises that Changyoon was making in his sleep. He couldn't risk Changyoon waking up and the moment ending. 

Changyoon liked to cuddle. As far as Hyojin had seen, it was usually only when Changyoon was tired but lately that had been all the time. It was a nice change of rhythm for Changyoon to be the one sleeping and Hyojin to... not. 

It used to be the two of them living separate yet intertwined lives much like Changyoon's fingers laced through his own. Their worlds were stars orbiting around each other, both being pulled towards the other but never touching. 

They were roommates, flatmates, two young men drawn together purely because rent is expensive and not being alone is nice. Changyoon would always cook because Hyojin was a nightmare in the kitchen. Hyojin would always clean up after Changyoon who regularly left every room looking as if a tornado had struck. That was their rhythm, a beautiful duet of strings and woodwinds, the two never playing together. Somehow, their melody felt empty.

Now they were a brilliant, breathtaking chorus of music. Since their rhythm had been thrown to the gutters, they'd been together almost always. Hyojin wasn't bothered by the increased amount of time he was spending with Changyoon, but it almost felt as if the balance had been knocked. 

Changyoon did so much.

But Hyojin did too little.

He resorted to a constant tug-of-war between wanting to restore balance and wanting to give Changyoon space. He would be pulled until his own seams fell apart. He had to.

Shifting, Changyoon whined into Hyojin's ribs, "Jinnie."

Hyojin froze, stiffly moving his free hand up to pat Changyoon's messy hair gently. He could almost see Changyoon's leg shaking like a dog's.

"Don't go where I can't follow," Changyoon muttered, pleading as his grip tightened on Hyojin's arm. It was a dream, it usually was when Changyoon would call for Hyojin. He'd never dream of doing something like that conscious, his stupid sense of independency forbade it. 

"I'm just going to shower. You'll be okay on your own, hmm?" Hyojin eased himself out of Changyoon's hold and with a gentle pat on the younger's shoulder, he left the room.

☀

The second that the bathroom door closed behind him, Hyojin turned on the shower, hoping that the white noise would drown out his thoughts. 

It probably failed to mask the sound of him roughly tossing his crutches to the floor, his balance being found in grasping the counter. The cold surface was grounding, easing his mind by a fraction.

His breath was coming in sharp pants, not hyperventilation but close to it. It was more frustration than panic. Frustration not directed at anything but himself and the fact that if he released his grip on the countertop, he'd hit the floor.

There was a gnarly hand gripping at his ribcage, seizing his breath. Its claws dug into his chest, the burning sensation spreading throughout his chest like a million knives burrowing under his ribs. 

"Pathetic," Hyojin ground out from between his clenched teeth. His eyes bore into his reflection in the mirror, and his stomach churned uncomfortably, making him gag. 

Unlike Changyoon's seemingly permanent under-eye circles, Hyojin had scars marring his features as a permanent physical form of his mistakes that he wanted to go back and correct so badly. They weren't extreme or dragging across half of his face, but the darkened marks and uneven surface stood out and screamed at everyone that there was a story to tell. 

The monster grasped him tighter, squeezing the sobs from his throat and the tears from his eyes. This was what had caused all of these problems. The blood and stitches and broken bones; that was what caused Changyoon to need to take up a second job as well as constantly worry about Hyojin. It was Hyojin who had led to this state of constant exhaustion in his best friend. 

And it was his goddamn leg that prevented him from being able to help. 

As long as he couldn't even stand on his own two feet, everything he could do for Changyoon was severely limited. 

Hyojin finally understood what the sensation was that crushed his ribcage and pressed all of the broken pieces inwards — guilt. Guilt for Changyoon's state and all the things he couldn't do to help.

The lights were too bright. The shower too loud. The bathroom too cramped. It was like an isolating cage, just Hyojn and his reflection hellbent on tearing him piece from piece. 

His environment was as pressing and intense as his feelings. The steady thrum of the shower was only disturbed by Hyojin's strangled sobs. 

Here he was, having a meltdown in the bathroom that was much too small to contain all of the emotions he was experiencing because he couldn't handle the idea of Changyoon worrying about him. So as he sunk to the tile floor, he whispered and prayed that Changyoon couldn't hear him with every cry to wrack his body. 

What right could he possibly have had to cry in the bathroom? Changyoon was the one working day and night, the one fending for the two of them, and the one who made the horrible circumstances work. Not him. All he could do was be an even more significant burden to Changyoon than he already was. What Hyojin should've been doing was putting himself aside like Changyoon had done for him so many times, and taken over at least a few of Changyoon's responsibilities. But no, he couldn't. There was a wall in between Hyojin and helping Changyoon. One that he couldn't break down because he couldn't stand on his own. 

He'd never cursed himself under his breath so much in his whole life. The mistakes, the inability to do anything properly when he tried to. Maybe if he weren't pathetic, they wouldn't be in this situation.

Sometimes you just need to sit against the wall, towel rack above your head, and stare at the bright lights on the ceiling as you imagine a better reality. 

One in which Changyoon was happy and unburdened. 

The uncomfortably artificial lights became the soft shining sun that warmed his skin. The thunderous thrum of the shower became a babbling brook, the mirror becoming the sunlight bouncing off of its surface. The cold and solid tile underneath Hyojin was the soft grass, flowers blooming around his knees and the holes in his sock. The blossoms that Minseok etched into his cast yesterday erupted into life. 

Clouds hung overhead, the bathroom was a beautiful meadow. In this meadow, Hyojin could wriggle his toes and smile, knowing that Changyoon wasn't pulling his hair out. It was somewhere where the sun shone, and a gentle breeze blew. A place that allowed for positive emotions. Buzzing honey bees, chirping birds. Bright flowers and small creatures. Ambience and serenity. 

The birdsong became knocking on the door as the mirage melted away, falling from between Hyojin's desperately grasping fingers like sand. 

"You okay in there?" It was Changyoon. It was always Changyoon. Worried. Exactly what Hyojin didn't want him to be.

"Yeah, I'll be out in a few minutes," Hyojn called, running a palm down the side of his face. He cringed at the way his voice sounded wrong, like a recording of a stranger playing from his voicebox. 

Changyoon didn't seem to notice though. His footsteps faded into nothing as he presumably returned to stressing about something of actual importance, Yuto. 

☀

Having regained composure, Hyojin caught up with Changyoon in the kitchen. He could smell whatever Changyoon had been cooking, it was a sweet aroma. Yet when he turned into the kitchen, his eyes fell to the floor.

The Changyoon sat, back pressed against the cupboards with pale skin and a dazed expression. He didn't look too pleased.

"Are you okay?"

"I maybe, uh, blacked out for a moment?" Changyoon offered with a forced lopsided grin. He was so bad at lying, a real talent of his. 

"I think you should go back to sleep," Hyojin stated, gnawing on his bottom lip worriedly. Constant exhaustion was one thing, but passing out in the kitchen was a whole new issue - however momentary it may be. 

"No, no," Changyoon assured him hurriedly as he fumbled, pushing himself off of the linoleum and into a kneeling position. "I'll finish cooking; you haven't had an actual homecooked meal in a week. You can't heal on instant ramen and pasta."

Hyojin rolled his eyes with a huff, "I can, and I will." Changyoon had successfully managed to use the bench as a grip to pull him to his feet at this point, despite Hyojin's scornful gaze. "You need decent sleep more than I need whatever you're convinced that you need to cook."

"But-"

"No buts. You and your stupid butt need to get out of the kitchen and in a bed or on the goddamn sofa." Changyoon's eyes were fixated on the floor, he looked like a kicked puppy. Good. Maybe then he'd listen and actually take care of himself. Doubtful, but Hyojin had to cling to some hope.

"Okay, I'll go sleep on the couch," Changyoon amended before reaching to turn off the stove. Housefires were definitively the last thing they needed.

Keeping his gaze trained of Changyoon as the younger shuffled out of the kitchen, Hyojin clicked his tongue. "I pity your spine."

"Gotta make sure I maintain the bones of an old man in my twenties."

"I guess." Hyojin followed Changyoon before he tossed himself down on the couch, reaching for the remote. He carefully channel-surfed for a superhero movie that the two of them had already seen countless times as Changyoon nestled in beside him, already bundled up in multiple blankets.

The flush across Changyoon's cheeks and the sheen of sweat over his face made him look sick. He probably was. 

With a trembling hand, Changyoon poked Hyojin's forehead.

"If you keep frowning you'll get wrinkles."

"We can both be wrinkly old men with weak joints at the ripe young ages of twenty-four. I'm going to be your nagging husband while you yell at teenagers to get off our lawn."

"We should get a dog. A little white one with curly fur because every old person in the history of ever has one," Changyoon explained, resting his head in Hyojin's lap.

Hyojin, not being a heartless monster, began carding his fingers through Changyoon's ink-black hair. "I can't argue with that logic."

"You should learn to knit. Or crochet."

"Bold of you to assume I wouldn't immediately entangle all of my limbs in yarn and then you would have to free me."

"Or leave you trapped until you're nicer to me."

Hyojin poked his tongue out despite the fact that Changyoon wasn't looking at it. "I can and will push you off of this couch. You're so horrible to the man who has your life in his hands."

"I won't die if you push me off a couch."

"Wanna bet?"

Changyoon's hands clenched onto Hyojin's pants tightly all of a sudden. With a small, squeaky voice, he replied, "no. Here is fine. I don't need to move."

"Go to sleep already, you're a nuisance."

"But you love me anyway."

"That floor looks awfully close, doesn't it?" Hyojin nudged Changyoon away from him ever so slightly. He chuckled when Changyoon scrambled to hold onto Hyojin's knees.

The younger hit him in the thigh softly. "You're horrible."

"How hypocritical of you."

"I'm going to sleep now. You can't complain if I'm sleeping."

"You're terribly noisy for someone who's sleeping." Regardless, his fingers in Changyoon's hair never faltered.

Soon enough, empty air was replaced by Changyoon's soft snoring. Gently, Hyojin stroked Changyoon's head like he was some sort of overgrown cat. With the way Changyoon curled in on himself, it wasn't far from the truth. 

Hyojin and his giant cat who didn't sleep like a regular cat.

Maybe he needed to invest in a stuffed mouse on the end of a string.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeet this one is really short but thats just how it is
> 
> i don't know what im doing with this fic anymore because i need to guide what's happening to the next plotty pal
> 
> aNYWAYS I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS WEIRD FILLER CHAPTER OF HYOTION BEING SOFT AND SAD


	10. LIMERENCE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [n] the state of being infatuated with another person
> 
> alternative title:  
> in which changyoon is very gay

Again, Changyoon was cooped up behind the bar as bland music thrummed lifelessly through the air. At the moment he was a bartender serving drinks and directing scornful looks towards children with fake IDs, but his mind was miles away.

Have you ever tried to focus on a menial task when your every thought is consumed with something else? If not, Changyoon can tell you that it is not easy. 

Coloured lights refracted off of glasses, turning them into sparkling gems that shone like Yuto's eyes when he talked about something he cared about. Usually his dragons or something he did with Jinyoung. He was always like a timid ray of sunshine.

Nowadays it was growing increasingly more difficult for Changyoon to direct his attention to the task at hand when his every thought was consumed with worry. But it was just the reality of the situation that life didn't stop because Yuto was gone. Bills would keep coming, food needed to be bought and rent paid. 

It was almost as if the world was off-kilter. The people around Changyoon seemed to behave differently, his coworker, Minseok, smiled at him, customers were considerably more polite than ever before, and it'd been at least a week since he'd last seen Jaeyoung, which is why the appearance of a gravelly voice at the other end of the bar came as a surprise to Changyoon. He'd only just gotten used to moving through his shifts barely sparing more than a glance at customers. 

Of course, Changyoon would never admit that he missed Jaeyoung's stoic company even if he did, which he didn't. 

In contrast to their usual interactions, Jaeyoung's voice was chillingly sober. "How are you doing tonight, Yoon?"

"I'm alright," Changyoon offered Jaeyoung a forced smile that he'd practised so much it almost felt real even to him to cover up the way his voice shook. When Jaeyoung returned the gesture, he knew that he had him fooled. "Do you want anything to drink?"

"Just a water, thanks."

"So you've come to a club, to order a glass of water? And from what I can tell, you're shockingly not inebriated. What's the point?"

"Minkyun is working late, and Minseok is at a friend's place. The house is too quiet, and your company is better than nothing."

Setting the glass down in front of Jaeyoung, Changyoon snickered, "I'm honoured." 

"As you should be," Jaeyoung spoke into his glass, "silence is very entertaining."

"I bet." 

The conversation tapered off to Jaeyoung sipping his water and Changyoon dealing with customers. Changyoon could've almost sworn that Jaeyoung wasn't there like he had just slunk into the shadows, but every time he turned to look, Jaeyoung was sat there as he always was.

If Jaeyoung turned out to just be a ghost haunting the bar, Changyoon wouldn't be very surprised. He stood out against the sea of strangers not by being loud and abrasive, but by being quiet and polite. A terribly polite ghost that never causes any trouble and offers a pleasant small talk.

"So," Jaeyoung began when the chaotic influx of partiers that reeked of alcohol died down, "what's been going on in your life lately?"

"Not much," Changyoon fibbed. He wasn't much of a fan of emotional vulnerability with people he barely knew, even if the genuine concern rooted in Jaeyoung's gaze seemed to tug at every thought he had ever had like a poorly located therapy session. "You?"

"My home life is good; Minseok and Minkyun have been well lately." He exhaled heavily and drew his eyes down to the countertop. "Work has been stressful. One of our employees hasn't shown up in days, and it's hard to hire someone on short notice."

Changyoon could see in the way that Jaeyoung's eyebrows furrowed and lips pressed into a firm line that there was something that he was not telling Changyoon. Some underlying hint of perhaps worry or sorrow. He decided not to push. 

"That's gotta suck," Changyoon amended. 

"Yeah." Jaeyoung's voice held a hollowness before he swallowed and faced Changyoon's gaze again with a reserved smile. "How's your life going?" 

"It's good. A little bit stressful as of late, but you know how it is. My roommate is antsy about having to wait another week to get his cast off."

"Oh? What happened?"

Changyoon bit his lip and averted his gaze, opting to fix his eyes onto the back of Jaeyoung's hands and the tiny glittering scars across the skin. "Car accident, y'know? He was crossing the road on the phone to me, and it just hit. These things happen sometimes, and there's nothing you can do to prevent them."

"I hope he's okay."

"Yeah. Just whiny. Hyojin always uses the broken leg card to get out of things."

Jaeyoung chuckled softly, "I assume that would make it hard."

"You never know, perhaps he gained superpowers from his tragic accident. That's an origin story of superpowers, no?" Changyoon's lips curled into a smile, and for the first time in a while, the tension bled from his shoulders, and he allowed himself to feel happy.

Under the covers of bright lights and pulsating music, there was something about a stranger with horrible taste in alcohol and kind eyes that drew Changyoon in like a moth to a flame. 

Like Icarus and the sun, he would most definitely burn.

☀

"Are you sure you've had enough sleep?" Hyojin asked from his bundle on the couch, eyeing Changyoon as he tied his laces.

Without missing a beat, Changyoon replied, "I've had plenty. I'll even sleep when I get home if it makes you feel better."

"That would make me feel better, but I also don't want you to die of exhaustion and get feasted on by dragons," Hyojin huffed with a childish pout.

"They're in aviaries. I won't be feasted on." Changyoon rolled his eyes. "If anything, the staff will probably roll me into a ditch."

"Do you really think so lowly of Yuto's coworkers?" 

"No, but I imagine they won't like me very much."

"No one ever does," Hyojin clarified with a sharp nod. He wasn't very intimidating while wrapped in about a billion blankets while his eyes remained focused on the cartoons he was watching. 

"False. You love me," Changyoon snickered, patting Hyojin's knee before reaching for his jacket. He had a moderately long walk ahead of him and the early morning's brisk wind was rarely very forgiving. But he needed to check in with Yuto's work and get confirmation right from the source. 

"Debatable." Hyojin glared at Changyoon as the younger slipped out the front door and blew him a kiss.

The sun was barely beginning to kiss the horizon when Changyoon stepped outside, but there was enough light for him to navigate easily. Under the warm glow of dawn, he hastily made his way down the steps leading up to his front door. The flowers in the garden were beginning to look a little unhappy from the constant neglect, but Hyojin could deal with that later. You don't have to worry about plants when you live with a flora wizard. 

Cars, few and far between, whizzed past Changyoon as he set off in the direction of the dragon sanctuary that he'd picked Yuto up from a week ago. It seemed like a lifetime had passed. If you cared to look, Changyoon probably had grey hairs from the stress.

The streetlights were still lit, casting a slight shift in hue over Changyoon's face. His shadow danced like it had not a worry in the world, much unlike Changyoon's weighted steps.

Birds sang, and the wind blew, the ambience of the morning would have lifted the weight from Changyoon's shoulders if it did not weigh the world. 

There was only one thought pressing on his mind, the need to confirm where Yuto wasn't to find where he was. What a shame it was that Changyoon couldn't search to the ends of the earth. 

Yuto was scared and skittish like a stray animal, and without a home, he could be anywhere.

If Changyoon were given the ability to turn back the clock and prevent the strife Yuto was currently facing, he would do it in a heartbeat. There's something about being young, scared and alone that seemed to burn Changyoon's heart like acid and leave him with a bitter taste in his mouth. 

He needed to help Yuto, even if he had to sacrifice himself further and push away the only voice of reason in his life away. 

The failure to protect Yuto was something Changyoon couldn't bear to live with without knowing that he did everything he could to fix it.

The looming archway of the sanctuary welcomed him with open arms as he was engulfed with the resentment of the last time he had stepped over its threshold. So crazy how optimistically picking up your friend after work can become searching for the same friend, not knowing if they're dead or alive can happen over the course of one week.

It'd been seven days since he'd last seen Yuto, and he wasn't giving up now. If he didn't look for Yuto, who else would? 

For now, he could only hope that Yuto found somewhere safe to reside.

Dragons chittered and squealed as he nervously edged past the enclosures. He wasn't much of fan of dragons and couldn't quite see why Yuto was so fond of them. 

There wasn't a lot of people around the sanctuary as he navigated through it, probably due to the early hour and the odd sense of gaping emptiness to the place. It was almost as if something had sucked the happiness from the air. 

It was an oppressive atmosphere without Yuto's shy smile to guide him through the twisting paths. With every turn, the way seemed to grow more and more unfamiliar until Changyoon wasn't even entirely sure whether or not he was still on the property. 

Trees towered over him and obscured the dull morning light, roots and bushes snagged at his feet with every step. It would've been wise just to turn around, yet when he tried to find his way back, the trees made everything look the exact same.

So yeah, you could say that Changyoon was lost. 

Changyoon didn't really have many options, so he trudged on. He could've been walking back to where he came or up a mountainside, and he would be none the wiser. 

The sound of twigs cracking underfoot made Changyoon jump. His head quickly spun to face in every direction, eyes scrutinising every shadow. Lifting his foot, he could see a broken stick pressed into the dirt. 

"It was just me," he laughed to himself loudly as if to prove to the shadows that he wasn't afraid. Maybe watching horror movies at 5am isn't a useful method of preventing paranoia. 

More than once, stray branches would cling to Changyoon's jacket and break away with a sharp tug from Changyoon, but Hyojin was going to be terribly unimpressed with all the twigs embedded in the jacket.

Lightly kicking a pebble from his path, Changyoon let out a hefty sigh. 

"Why does Yuto have to work in a place where I wind up lost?" he huffed. 

A distance chittering dragged shivers down Changyoon's back. Despite the previous absence in the air, he wasn't alone here. 

"Oh my god. I'm going to die here," Changyoon whispered as he pulled his jacket tightly over his frame. Killed by some wild dragon and left to die in the middle of a forest. The heavy feeling in his limbs was replaced by a free and light feeling as  
he prepared himself to bolt away from the threat.

As rough scales swept along Changyoon's calf, he let out a shockingly unmanly screech. 

The small dragon just sat a few steps ahead of him and chirped. 

"Excuse me?" Changyoon was beyond confused and flustered at this point. 

Making a high clicking noise that scraped against Changyoon's ears, the dragon bounced ahead a short distance then turned back to face Changyoon. Almost as if it wanted Changyoon to follow it.

And so he did. He didn't really have many other options.

The dragon turned out to not be a very dangerous companion. It behaved more like a friendly cat than anything, bouncing back and forth, winding through Changyoon's legs as it seemed to purr.

There was even a faded blue collar around its neck like it was someone's pet. 

It appeared to be fond of running and bouncing instead of flying. Whenever the dragon flapped its wings and made a running leap for the air, it would fly unsteadily for a few moments before crashing to the ground and looking back at Changyoon for confirmation of something. At those moments he offered his tiny companion a smile and continued following it. 

He wasn't a big fan of dragons, but he was growing more fond of this one by the second. Who knew that flying lizards could be so cute?

It was a miracle when Changyoon felt the sunlight hit his face. The dragons had actually guided him out safely. Despite a scrape or scratch here and there wrought by his own inability to watch where he was walking, he was mostly unharmed.

But an eager nudge at his ankle prompting him to step forward left him at the mercy of gravity. 

Lee Changyoon was no longer fond of any dragons as he tumbled down a short hill, hitting the ground with a rush of air leaving his lungs.

"Ten out of ten," a deep voice commented from somewhere nearby, "that was almost as graceful as Yuto himself."

A lot of unexpected things had happened that morning, but by far, the most strange occurrence was Changyoon lifting his head to lock eyes with Shim Jaeyoung in scrubs and a lab coat. 

"Changyoon?" Jaeyoung was the first to ask, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

"Uhh... yeah?" Changyoon shrugged as he sat up, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible despite the cloud of embarrassment smothering him. 

"Why are you at my work?"

It was at that very moment that Changyoon's brain short-circuited. "Uhh..."

Jaeyoung quirked an eyebrow. "Did you hit your head?" 

"What? Uh- No. I'm looking for my friend. He works here. I got lost." Changyoon was scrambling to his feet now, trying his best to seem like he wasn't an idiot who just fell down a hill. But he was. 

Changyoon froze when Jaeyoung took a few swift steps over to him and took his hand, pulling Changyoon to his feet as he scanned Changyoon's dazed expression. 

"Are you sure you're okay?" 

Too busy getting lost in Jaeyoung's deep eyes, Changyoon gave a very breathless "Yeah," in response.

"Do you want to come inside and sit down? I can sort out that scrape on your hand if you'd like," Jaeyoung offered with a slight smile. 

Maybe it was due to their close proximity, but Changyoon could feel his heart flutter. He didn't even have to give Jaeyoung an answer before he was being gently nudged along and into the small clinic. 

"Are you and Minkyun both doctors?" Changyoon asked absently as he took in the pristine white surfaces and the cosy atmosphere of the clinic.

"Nah. I'm a vet," Jaeyoung explained, "I specialise in dragons though, which is why I work here."

"That's cool. I bet it pays better than bartending." 

"Yeah. But that's not why I do it. I want to help those who can't help themselves, y'know?" 

So far, there are a few outstanding features of Jaeyoung to Changyoon. His deep voice, his kind eyes and his big heart.

"That makes sense," Changyoon said as Jaeyoung urged him to sit on one of the workbenches.

"So, who's your friend who works here? I assume it's not me since you didn't know that I work here." Jaeyoung located a small green box in record speed before turning back to Changyoon. He tilted his head slightly, imploring Changyoon to answer.

"Oh- uh- Yuto? Mizuguchi Yuto."

Jaeyoung's expression immediately grew more puzzled. "Yuto? I'm afraid he hasn't been here in a while. Just over a week, I think?"

"Ah..." Changyoon's voice fell. "I was hoping you'd seen him. I haven't heard from him in a week." 

"You're his friend who called in, aren't you?" Changyoon nodded timidly. "I hope he decides to show up soon. I worry about that kid." 

"Me too. He doesn't have anywhere to go, and I don't want him to get hurt."

Changyoon hissed when Jaeyoung began cleaning the scrape on his palm. He hadn't really noticed it until now. His attention was also brought to the gentle hold Jaeyoung had on his wrist. 

"Sorry," Jaeyoung apologised quickly. "If it's any consolation, Yuto will show up eventually. He's a good kid."

"I know he is. But I hate the idea of him being scared and alone," Changyoon whispered solemnly, Jaeyoung wouldn't have heard him if he weren't listening so carefully.

"What happened?" he pressed cautiously.

Changyoon sighed and brought his gaze up to meet Jaeyoung's. "I'm going to tell you this only because I know that Yuto trusts you probably even more than he trusts me."

"It can't be that bad, right?" Jaeyoung asked with a forced attempt at seeming relaxed. 

"He had some trouble with his powers."

"What kind of trouble? He's a necromancer, trouble can't ever be good."

"I don't know the whole story, but when I went to pick him up and walk him to work a week ago-" he took a sharp inhale, "-I found Jinyoung dead on the floor and Yuto conscious but unresponsive in the corner."

"That doesn't mean it had something to do with Yuto's powers though." 

"I took him to my place for a change of atmosphere, and he scrambled away from Hyojin and me because he was scared that he'd kill us."

"Oh..." was all that Jaeyoung had to say, his administrations freezing. 

"I tucked him into bed when he calmed down, and he snuck out the window. I haven't seen him since."

"He'll come back." There was something different about Jaeyoung's voice, a strain running through his words. 

Changyoon wasn't so sure.

☀

The cafe was bustling with activity which Changyoon was thankful for. It gave him something to focus on other than how tired he was. 

Hyojin would be free to walk on his own two feet in a week. Changyoon could take a sick day or two just to sleep like the dead, so all he had to do was make it through a few more days of very little to no sleep. 

"Hey, what can I get ya?" he asked the next customer. 

"You. Sleeping. At all."

"That'll be $4.50. What name?"

"Shim Jaeyoung."

Changyoon looked up, and he felt all the blood rush from his face. "Oh, Jaeyoung. Hi." 

"Why are you here?"

"It's my job. I don't know why you're here though. If you aren't ordering anything, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," Changyoon said sternly. 

"Iced Americano." 

"Thank you. It will be ready soon."

Jaeyoung faded into the buzzing of the cafe as Changyoon returned to his rhythm of serving customers. His skin felt like a layer of ice, but he pressed on, knowing that his shift only had a couple of hours left and then he would be free to sleep for four hours before returning to the bar. 

The idea of not having to work two jobs for much longer was also a comfort, he'd handed in a two-weeks' notice that morning. Gone were the days of dragging himself through his life. He'd finally be able to put himself above work and Hyojin. 

"Iced americano for Shim Jaeyoung," he called into the cafe with a cup in hand. His entire arm was trembling, but he could only hope that Jaeyoung didn't notice and left him to work in peace.

"Are you okay?" came Jaeyoung's soft voice laced with concern as his eyes bore holes in Changyoon's weak façade. 

Changyoon strained a shaky smile that he knew Jaeyoung could see right through. "Peachy."

Jaeyoung looked like he wanted to object and tuck Changyoon into bed himself, but instead, he bit his lip and took his drink.

He knew that he looked like death, but there wasn't exactly much that he could do about that. Seungwook preferred to make the drinks instead of taking orders and what was he going to do? Make the stressed uni student more stressed? If his only coworker of the day collapsed into a black hole and swallowed the earth, he would not be getting his paycheck.

"Hey, Changyoon, can you take this person's order to their table?" Seungwook asked, hanging Changyoon a tray of various beverages and baked goods.

Changyoon didn't really feel up to precariously balancing drinks while navigating between tables but that was his job. So even though his legs felt like jelly and the world seemed to fade in and out of focus he took the tray from Seungwook with a smile and made his way into the central area of the cafe.

Over the past couple of weeks, Changyoon had grown accustomed to the constant lightheadedness, but this time it felt different. He could barely feel his feet touching the ground as if he were stepping on clouds and falling from the sky. 

With a loud crash, he was back in reality, knees and hands pressed to the cold linoleum with a mess surrounding him. Fuck.

Warm hands were cupping his face, and worried eyes were scanning his expression. "Changyoon? Changyoon, are you okay?"

What do you think? Changyoon wanted to snap, but his tongue was a lead weight in his mouth. Sound was lost to him, but he could feel Jaeyoung's firm grip pulling him gingerly to his feet. Through the static he could hear the deep thrum of Jaeyoung's voice, probably talking to Seungwook because he was soon drawn in the direction of the break room. 

"God, you're basically vibrating. This can't be good," Jaeyoung muttered, seemingly to himself as he lowered Changyoon down to sit on the worn sofa that had seen many power naps during Changyoon's breaks. 

Jaeyoung's thighs were soft. That is the only observation Changyoon had when his head was rested in Jaeyoung's lap. 

"I'm sorry," Changyoon croaked, voice breaking. He'd just fucked up everything for Seungwook and made Jaeyoung feel like he needed to care for Changyoon like he was a child.

Apparently, Jaeyoung's solution for Changyoon's distress was to begin running his fingers through Changyoon's hair. It was something Hyojin often did to calm Changyoon down, perhaps it was widely known that Changyoon enjoyed being pet like a cat. 

"You don't have to be sorry. You're not well." 

"I'm fine," Changyoon tried to argue, only to be immediately stopped by Jaeyoung's distant expression.

"When was the last time you slept properly?"

"Define properly."

"Oh my god. Do I even want to ask?"

"You don't. You really don't," Changyoon clarified, the dread of having another Hyojin helicoptering him filled the air. 

Jaeyoung sighed, but he didn't seem too annoyed. "Why don't you sleep?"

"I'm pretty sure you noticed by now that I'm working two jobs," Changyoon rolled his eyes half-heartedly. He didn't have enough energy to be genuinely upset with Jaeyoung. 

"Why, though? Is money tight?"

"Yes. Hyojin can't work full-time again yet, and there are bills to pay."

"I feel like your eventual hospital bill is going to be very expensive as well."

"Why do you care so much?"

"I'm your friend, Changyoon, it's my job to worry about you," Jaeyoung berated, "Is this arrangement coming to an end soon?"

"I handed in my two-weeks notice this morning."

"That's as much as I can ask for right now, isn't it?"

"Pretty much," Changyoon huffed. He would've crossed his arms if he had the energy; instead he just lay staring up at the plains of Jaeyoung's face.

"Working as a barista and a bartender doesn't seem like a dream for you. What are your dreams? What do you want to do with your life?" Jaeyoung asked softly.

"I was about to start my second year at med school when Hyojin was in his accident. I couldn't juggle study and work, y'know? I had to be there for him. It's so much easier dealing with a textbook problem than one in your own life." For once, Changyoon could talk about this with another person instead of putting on a strong face for Hyojin.

"I knew there was something in you that was destined to help people. Med school is a lot of studying and hard work but I know you'll get through it," Jaeyoung noted, "Minkyun struggled a lot to get to where he is now, but I could never be prouder of him."

Maybe Changyoon was looking through rose-tinted glasses, maybe Jaeyoung himself was rose-tinted.

"Thank you for believing in me," he said tiredly. There was something about Jaeyoung that felt like a missing piece of his puzzle. The warm and fuzzies engulfed him as well as the exhaustion he always carried with him.

It might've been a dream, but Changyoon swore he could hear a soft, "Sweet dreams," from Jaeyoung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WASSUP IM NOT DEAD !!
> 
> Here's an extra-long soft uwu chapter for y'all to make up for me ghosting my updates for a month. (We hit 30k!!!! :D)  
> Also, thank you for 200 hits <3  
> I finished this yesterday and it's not quite tuesday but y'all have been waiting long enough  
> Yuto and Changyoon r finally gonna be reunited <3 the wait is over
> 
> also the comeback??? iconic i love onf


	11. DÉPAYSEMENT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [n] when someone is taken out of their own familiar world and into a new one
> 
> or
> 
> Yuto and Changyoon reunite

Staring into the bowl in front of him as Seungjoon chattered amicably, Yuto watched the steam rise, eyes trailing the cloudy tendrils as if wistfully hoping that they'd morph into a new reality.

"So, how are you?" Seungjoon asked for what was probably the millionth time in the past half hour. He's not good with awkward silence. 

"Uh..." Yuto looked up from the bowl in front of him. "Good?"

Avoiding the elephant in the room is never a good plan as skirting away from the obvious is not going to make it dissolve like salt in boiling water. It's better to get things over and done with. So that's what Seungjoon did.

"So, about your current situation..." Seungjoon began before Yuto cut him off. 

Sighing heavily, Yuto set down his chopsticks. "Do we have to talk about it?"

"Better to get it over and done with." Yuto's gaze lowered to trace the patterns in the wooden tabletop, obviously avoiding eye contact. "How long do you plan on staying with me? I have no issue with you being there; I just want to know how much food to buy." 

"Not long. I'd rather not impose."

"Do you have anywhere else to go?"

Yuto seemed to almost shrink in on himself. "No."

"Where were you planning on going?" Seungjoon tried, leaning back in his seat and crossing his legs beneath the table. 

"Somewhere."

"Do you want me to help you find someone you know so you could stay with them?"

"No." Yuto's voice was firm and sharp, such a strong contrast to how soft-spoken and gentle he had been all day. Seungjoon froze and eyed Yuto warily like one would a wild animal. 

"Why not?"

"There's only Changyoon. I can't do that to him."

"Do what?"

"Stress him out. He has enough on his plate already."

"I'm sure he's plenty stressed not knowing where you are."

Yuto whined and pressed his forehead against the table. "I never wanted this."

"Shh... It's okay. We'll sort something out," Seungjoon offered, stretching across the table to give Yuto's hand a reassuring pat.

"I'm the worst."

"No, you're not. You're just going through a hard time right now." Seungjoon gave Yuto a soft, encouraging smile. "Maybe call Changyoon when we get back later, hmm? I'm sure he'd love to hear that you're okay." 

"Okay."

"Yuto."

"Hmm?"

"I hope you know that I'm not trying to get rid of you. I genuinely just want to help. We're alike, you and I. There was nothing left in this world for me when my family left. I didn't have anything, and I definitely didn't have anyone. But then Minkyun came along and helped me back onto my feet. I want to be that for you because I know how hard it is when you feel truly alone in this world."

"Thank you." Yuto's voice was soft, but it spoke volumes.

Seungjoon's lips curled upwards. "You can always count on me, yeah? I'm here to help."

"Okay."

"Do you have anything you'd like to do while we're out?"

"Not really. Unless you have any plans, I'll be happy to get out of your hair."

"Nope. We can even head back after you're done eating if you'd like."

Almost as if on queue, Seungjoon's phone began buzzing in his jacket's pocket. Yuto observed him as he answered, almost fearfully. What had happened to this kid?

"Seungjoon! It's good to know that your phone does, in fact, work. I've been trying to call you for hours; why haven't you answered?" Minkyun. Of course, it was Minkyun, who else would it be?

"Sorry, Kyun. I've been busy today." Seungjoon looked at Yuto as if it needed clarification. Minkyun couldn't even see him though, so it was pretty pointless.

"With what?"

"Uh...things?" 

"Super clear, I understand everything now. Why didn't you say so earlier?"

"Hilarious."

"I know I am. But the reason I am calling you is to tell you to come over so I can change your bandages."

Seungjoon glanced over to his companion whose eyes were trained on the backs of his hands. "Can I- uh- bring someone else along?" This prompted Yuto to lift his gaze, dark puppy eyes scrutinising the elder's expression. 

"Of course. It's never a problem." 

"Thank you. We'll be there after lunch."

🌙

Yuto nervously fidgeted in Seungjoon's peripheral vision as the fortune teller pushed open the door to Minkyun's place, large earring glittering as they swayed with the gesture. It was a simple little place, rather unintimidating and more on the welcoming side. The door was bright emerald green with copper embellishments. Very extravagant and the complete opposite of dull. 

Stepping inside, Seungjoon called out as if he lived there, "Your favourite person in the whole world is here!"

"Nice try, but Jaeyoung's already here," Minkyun said as his head popped around the edge of a doorway, "who's that?"

"Hurtful. But this is Yuto." Seungjoon made vague gestures in Yuto's direction. "He's staying with me for a while."

"Hi. I'm Minkyun," Minkyun's aloof expression was replaced with a radiant smile in Yuto's direction. Seungjoon gave Minkyun a playful glare at the warm greeting. 

"Hello," came Yuto's small voice from next to Seungjoon. 

Striding over and grabbing Seungjoon's wrist, Minkyun smiled at Yuto again. "I don't bite. Seungjoon's just stupid and needs his bandages changed."

Seungjoon could only offer a shrug as Yuto's eyes scanned him, undoubtedly trying to locate his mystery injury. A magician never reveals his secrets. 

However, Minkyun just dragged Seungjoon with him into the ever-familiar dining room of cooking and impromptu medical procedures. 

"Take your clothes off."

"At least buy me dinner first." Shrugging off his jacket, Seungjoon plonked himself down onto the nearest chair and sent a reassuring smile towards his somewhat awkward companion. Yuto just stood awkwardly near the door, fiddling with the hem of his shirt as his eyes darted around the room in search of something to focus on other than the horrible burns covering Seungjoon's biceps. 

"You should quit your day-job and pursue comedy. I'll pay to see an audience stand up and leave at the sight of you," Minkyun said dryly.

Yet again, Seungjoon was sitting shirtless in the middle of Minkyun's dining room, albeit a little awkwardly as Minkyun disappeared into the other room.

"What happened?" Yuto's voice was gentle as he posed the question. 

"I'd like to know the full story, too," Minkyun stated sharply, reentering the room with a few jars of multi-coloured substances. It was rather strange for a potion-maker to be a doctor and balance two options of medical care, but Minkyun worked his way around it.

"I caught him cheating on me. We fought. He grabbed me by the shoulders, and he burned me." That was all there was to it, but alongside the marring of his skin, there were gaping wounds on his soul. 

Minkyun clicked his tongue and lifted Seungjoon's arm. "Something else happened. I can hear it in your voice."

"No one could ever truly love this," Seungjoon parroted Chansik's words, a profound apathy rooted in his tone. 

Sighing, Minkyun slapped Seungjoon in the back of the head. "Stop basing your self-worth off of shitty guys."

Such a thing is easier said than done, though. Seungjoon didn't have a lot of people left in his life. He had Minkyun, Minkyun's lover, the sweetest boy in the world, and now, he had Yuto. 

After so many years of him and Minkyun only having each other, Minkyun found the other half of his soul, and it wasn't just the two of them anymore. Relaxed and comfortable interactions between two boys with dreams became Seungjoon awkwardly third-wheeling and making pathetic excuses to not go out with Jaeyoung and Minkyun.

Seungjoon had Minkyun, then Minkyun had someone else which meant that Seungjoon needed someone else. Desperate for the feeling of butterflies in his stomach, Seungjoon would settle for any guy who spoke to him with something other than malice in their voice.

A vicious cycle of heartbreak and abandonment lead him to the foolish idea of forever with Chansik.

Now, he was back here with Minkyun and the damages that Chansik had inflicted.

Seungjoon just chuckled lightly and smiled at his best friend only to be met with an eye-roll. Minkyun loved him, really. 

As Minkyun gently began lathering the salve onto Seungjoon's arms, he melted into the cooling sensation. You never realise how much burns burn until they don't burn.

"Kyun, do we have any chips? Minseok wants some- oh, hi Seungjoon." Jaeyoung's entrance was less than seamless, but he had arrived at the downstairs party. 

"Sup," Seungjoon contributed with nonchalance. 

Looking up at Jaeyoung and smiling like the sun, Minkyun offered him a wave with his glorified popsicle stick covered with goop in hand. "They'll probably be in the snack cupboard, babe." Minkyun then pointed at Yuto with his goop-stick. "This is Seungjoon's friend-"

His words were cut short by Jaeyoung engulfing Yuto's small frame in a hug. Seungjoon and Minkyun shared a bewildered look because although Jaeyoung was very affectionate, he wasn't the type to hug a stranger. 

"I was so worried about you, pipsqueak," he mumbled into the dead-silent air. It was evident that there was something that had brought Jaeyoung and Yuto together previously.

"I'm sorry." Yuto's voice was near silent, as per usual, but there was a weight to it.

Pulling out of the hug, Jaeyoung patted Yuto on the shoulder. "It's okay. You're safe, and that's all that matters."

Minkyun was the first to disturb their moment. "Babe, do you guys know each other?"

"Yuto is the coworker I was telling you about."

"The one who went missing a week ago?" Minkyun pressed, much to Seungjoon's confusion.

"Yeah. A friend of his stopped by yesterday looking for him. He was really worried."

"Changyoon?" Yuto asked meekly, directing his gaze towards the floor.

"The one and only."

"Is he okay?"

"He's not in good shape, to be honest. I think it'd be best for me to call him and let him know that you're okay. He's worried about you, pipsqueak." Jaeyoung's tone was sombre. "He's really not well."

"He's not sleeping, is he?"

"No. He really needs to know that you're okay."

"Call him." Yuto's voice broke, and his hands shook. "He can't keep doing this to himself."

Minkyun continued his administrations as Jaeyoung slunk out of the room, phone already out of his pocket. The air was heavy, but Yuto gave Seungjoon a small unsure smile.

🌙

Seungjoon had taken up residence on Minkyun's couch by the time the doorbell rang. Jaeyoung and Minkyun were entwined in a mass of limbs while Yuto perched on the arm of the couch, anxiously eating a muffin that Minkyun had found him.

Untangling himself from Jaeyoung's love trap, Minkyun walked over to the door and opened it with his signature sunshine smile. "Hi, Changyoon! Please, come in."

From his position, Seungjoon could see a dark-haired man enter the house who he presumed to be Changyoon, followed by the cute florist, Kim Hyojin. Today was full of surprises.

It only took Changyoon a few steps before his arms were around Yuto. Changyoon's shoulders shook, and Yuto looked very confused, so Seungjoon deduced that Changyoon was crying.

It was unusual, to say the least. But when had anything in Seungjoon's life ever been normal. 

Minkyun gently guided Hyojin over to sit next to Seungjoon who pulled his legs closer to his body. He probably looked like a turtle stuck on his back, impressive. At least Hyojin already knew that he was stupid. 

"Hi," Seungjoon said a little timidly. 

Hyojin smiled. "Hi, Seungjoon."

"Small world, huh?" Well, this is awkward. Cute florists weren't on today's agenda, and Seungjoon was ridiculously under-prepared for being a respectable human being. He was still wearing Jaeyoung's shirt and hadn't yet sat up. 

"Yup." Hyojin sounded just as awkward as Seungjoon felt. "What happened to you?" he asked with a nod at Seungjoon.

Hastily, Seungjoon sat up and offered Hyojin a shrug. He remembered for the first time that day that bruises and cuts covered his face as well as the bulky bandages on his arms. "Romance is a nightmare."

Hyojin's eyebrows knit together in confusion. "I assume the breakup didn't go well?"

"Not unless you count pretty bad burns as 'going well'." 

"I wouldn't say so, no." 

"What a shame. I thought I'd finally had a good breakup." Seungjoon chuckled lightly, the two of them were just getting lost in their world. "How's the leg?" 

"I'm getting a transplant of a goat leg so I can kick your ass."

"That'll be a sight."

-

"No." Yuto's voice was firm and unwavering, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. 

Changyoon's expression was one of distress as he pathetically tugged at Yuto's arm. "Yuto, please." 

"I want to stay with Seungjoon." 

The spotlight was now on Seungjoon, who sat curled up on the sofa, bubblegum-pink socks and all. "I was under the impression that Yuto would be coming home with me," he offered cautiously, judging everyone's expressions with wide eyes.

"And why would you think that?" Changyoon bit back harshly.

"He needs some time to calm down and feel comfortable somewhere."

"He's not your property."

“I never said he was.” Seungjoon crossed his arms and defensively glared up at Changyoon. "This is about what he needs right now. And that is distance, whether that be from you or other things is up to him to decide." 

"Where do you want to go?" Minkyun asked Yuto softly, wrapping an arm around the boy's shoulders. Trust the literal embodiment of sunshine not to play sides.

"Seungjoon." Yuto's voice was barely audible, yet everyone heard him clear as day. Biting his tongue, Seungjoon gave Changyoon a smug look.

Gently ushering Yuto down the corridor, Minkyun spoke pointedly loud enough for everyone to hear. “You can hang out with Minseok for a bit. I’m sure he’d be glad to have a friend around his age. The adults need to sort themselves out because in all the years I’ve known Lee Seungjoon, I’ve never known him to be anything other than stubborn, and Changyoon appears to be the same.”

"What makes you think that you can take my kid?" Changyoon snapped, the fire in his voice almost made Seungjoon cower in response. The key word being almost. Seungjoon didn’t falter, Minkyun was correct when he said that Seungjoon was stubborn.

Hyojin interjected softly but Changyoon’s eyes trained on him as if he were shouting. "He's not your kid." 

"I'm not trying to force Yuto to do anything he doesn't want to," Seungjoon explained with an exaggerated sweeping gesture of his arm. His burn tugged in protest at the movement as his dressings tumbled to his lap. The cold air was not a pleasant sensation, but Seungjoon stood his ground. "He's scared, and he's alone, and he needs someone to be there for him."

"I can be there for him." Changyoon was getting defensive. It was clear that Seungjoon was a few well-placed prods away from a punch.

"But you're not what he needs right now." 

"You're not qualified to say that."

"And you are?"

"He said he wants to stay with me for now,” Seungjoon amended.

"He doesn't know what he wants."

"Changyoon…" Hyojin's voice wasn't sharp, but it held the intonation of a warning as clearly as a cloudless sky.

"You can't make his decisions for him."

"Neither can you."

"I'm not trying to. I'm trying to let Yuto make his own decisions."

"Can we not argue?" Minkyun protested from his seat in Jaeyoung's lap. "This is hardly worth the drama you two are making it out to be. Just let Yuto go with who he wants. This isn't a permanent arrangement."

Changyoon glanced over to the speaker didn't seem to have it in him to argue with Minkyun. "You barely know him." There was something off about his voice. It was only slight, but with the amount that Changyoon had been talking since Seungjoon had met him, he noticed.

"I've seen his future, and I'm there," Seungjoon objected.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Tensions were rising beyond levels Seungjoon thought possible. Changyoon was unwilling to relent in his stance against Yuto going anywhere but with him.

"It's called magic, dimwit."

"And that somehow means you can take care of Yuto?" Changyoon paused only to crudely gesture with an outstretched hand at the bandages donning Seungjoon's shoulders, "You can't even take care of yourself."

"You're one to talk." Jaeyoung cut in bitterly, expression dark. Seungjoon had almost forgotten that he and Minkyun were sat there, witnessing the whole thing. Changyoon was there because he was still running his mouth. Hyojin's fingers gently curled around Seungjoon's wrist, restraining him with the softest of touches.

"My love life has nothing to do with this."

"Are you sure about that?" 

Hyojin hit Changyoon's leg with his crutch. His expression was stern and almost enraged. "Shut up."

Changyoon seemed to clam up at this. His lips drew into a thin line, and his face darkened. "I need to leave," he gasped, a little panicked before racing for the door. The shocking change in atmosphere left everyone too stunned to pursue.

Hyojin leaned back with a shaky exhale. "He's too tired to know what he's saying."

"Will he be alright?" Jaeyoung asked.

"Give him some time to blow off steam. He's just been so worried about Yuto lately that he's gotten a little possessive."

🌙

When Changyoon returned, he was practically seething with unspoken rage but instead of speaking, he just tucked himself next to Hyojin and basked in whatever emotion stew that was boiling within. 

"You can't take him," he hissed.

"I thought we already established that it's up to Yuto."

The fire in the atmosphere rose again and yelling filled the air as Changyoon fought a losing battle and Seungjoon tried to maintain composure. 

"Everybody just shut up and sit down." Jaeyoung's voice sliced through the air with a keen precision as the noise quickly faltered like someone had hit the mute button on them all as they quickly settled into seats. 

Seungjoon met Yuto's panic-stricken gaze, taking in the wide eyes and tense muscles at the loss of control with no doubt that Jaeyoung was taking in the startled looks shared by everyone with the exception of Minkyun and himself. In the heat of frustration, the iron cage he kept around his words came undone.

There was nothing but silence even as Changyoon's mouth hung open, ready to launch back into the argument with an expression that was more bewildered than anything.

"I'm- I'm so sorry." Jaeyoung was down the corridor in a matter of seconds, firmly shutting the door behind him. With the click of the lock, the spell cast over everyone dissolved. 

"What was that?" Hyojin's voice was soft, reproachful, asking the question weighing on the tip of everyone's tongue. 

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Minkyun sighed. "Jaeyoung's magic is a little invasive but don't hold it against him, he tries to control it."

A loud bang sounded from the other end of the house and Minkyun quickly rose to his feet. "Yuto can stay with Seungjoon for the time being, no more arguing. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to make sure that Jaeyoung is okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wassup I'm not dead and now that you've all forgotten about this fic I finish chapter 11.
> 
> Life is bad I never have time to write but I'm trying.


End file.
